the landslide

"is this the real life?
is this just fantasy?
caught in a landslide,
no escape from reality."

queen


if i could have recalled how to do algebra the way that i can recall lyrics, i am certain i would not have flunked it twice in college. its weird the way that a lyric will pop into my head at just the right moment in time. i have been thinking the last couple of weeks about how to define this particular season in my life and for some reason "the landslide" keeps popping up.

i feel like i am living in this bittersweet time slip right now, torn between stumbling through the day in a zombie like haze and then finding myself unable to close my eyes in fear that i might miss a single moment of this sweet newborn baby bliss. is it real life? is it a fantasy? what is love? can i handle the seasons of my life? can everything in the world be so perfect, so pure and yet, so exhausting? sometimes i just stare at you, eleanor, and can't believe you are here. what an amazing miracle after all of the effort and heartache it took to get jack and vivian here; and then poof! like magic, like true love, like all the best things about randy and i produced this tiny little bundle of joy. could you be any more perfect?

because this time goes so quickly and you are changing daily, let me tell you a little bit about nearly-four-week old eleanor. you are tiny, oh, so tiny. your hair is starting to fill in on the top and you're gaining control of your neck. your favorite place to reside is on my chest and now you're raising your little head to meet my gaze. i see you, baby girl! i really see you, like i am staring right into those blue eyes and i can see your soul. you are starting to find your voice, crying more aggressively when i don't come quick enough. you're nursing every three hours like clock work and we are getting our dance figured out. it turns out that not only was i meant to work at hooters once upon a time, but i was made to breast feed a baby. in fact, i am pretty sure i could end hunger or at least feed an entire nursery full of babies! so, i've got that going for us and you are growing and gaining weight just like you should be. you are a content and relaxed baby, happiest in the noisy chaos of our house.

you are a very good baby! and i fall more and more in love with you every day!

knowing that eleanor is my last baby, my pleasant little surprise guest, makes this landslide most enchanting! i know that too soon you will be sleeping through the night and you won't wake me with your little grunting pig noises. we won't have those tender moments together in the middle of the night, when the house is quiet and there is just enough dim light in the room to highlight your little face. you look like an angel all snuggled in as close as i can get you to me. soon enough, the binkie will be enough to pacify you when you feel lonely and we will both sleep alone through the night. and before i can blink my eye, you will be a "big" little girl like vivian, who grabs her binkie, her pink bunny and requests to go ni-night on her own. just like her, you will grow before my very eyes! i can hardly believe that little tiny bug is now 22 months old and TALKS to me. then before we know it, you will be like jack, reasoning with me and independent. you will dress yourself, bath yourself and be anxious to go to preschool. you will become your own person, no longer a little growth that happily lives on my chest.

i am going to savor every sleepy moment of this landslide because before i know it you will not be a baby anymore. i'm going to slow down and continue to enjoy the in between time- the time between going back to work, life resuming to a normal schedule and this time, the time that daddy lets me sleep in with you until ten am and takes your siblings away in the evening, so i can rock quietly and get to know you. you will grow up too soon, be independent and fabulous, all of the things i want for you! things i want for all three of you! but for now i am going to soak in your milky breath, your heavenly scent, your petal soft skin. when i am an old woman, these will be the moments i will cherish, rocking a sweet, slumbering baby. if you could just stay small for a while, this mommy would really appreciate it.

I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky - What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know, I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down


Fleetwood Mack 

time in a bottle

it was a cold, dark, january day seven years ago when the soon-to-be light of my life entered my world. who would have thought after all my travels and wayward searching that i would end up meeting my husband back in good 'ol st joe? i remember meeting him like it was yesterday- i was bar tending at the hi ho and he was drinking miller lite with some guys i knew. after my shift, i sat down and had a drink with them, intrigued by this new stranger. after several hours of drinking i decided it was time to go home because i had school the next day. he laughed at me, thinking i was still in college and gave me a hard time about getting up in the morning. (after all, i looked much younger than i was! :) i informed him i was in cosmetology school and that i had to be there at 8 in the morning and stay all day. he then pointed to the balding thinning spot on top of his head and said "what can you do with this?" in an instant i was charmed by his humbleness and wit.

he frequented the bar for the next few weeks, flirting with me from time to time but always failed to pull the trigger on asking me out. so i sent him a valentine when the time came around and he totally took the bait. he might tell this from a different point of view, but this is my blog and that's the bitch of him never commenting. ha ha! he finally asks me out and i obliged and the rest, as they say, is history.

six years ago on this very night i married my very best friend. i can hardly believe at times, that it has been this long and at other times, i can still see that cute boy who came into the hi ho one night. we have lived in four different houses, had 7 different cars, three children and the same dog. we have been busy and productive over the last few years.

when i met him, i had dated enough to know what i wasn't looking for, but never was able to wrap my brain about my perfect mate. then he showed up and everything else moved to the background. life with him was easy, no waves and always fun. to this day, there is no one i know as funny as him. we laugh all of the time and about everything! its my best lesson to you three, marry someone that you can always laugh with. it makes the good times great and the hard times more bearable. its one of our best qualities as a couple, i think.

your dad is an easy going guy with the biggest heart of anyone i have ever met. he wears his heart on his sleeve and is kind and gentle. i have always known that he will take care of us and protect us. he's gone above and beyond during all of my pregnancies, especially this last one. he does laundry, changes diapers, and is quick to run to starbucks when i need a coffee fix. in fact, as i am typing this, he ran to the gas station to satisfy my chip craving! he's an honorable, do-the-right-thing kinda guy and i hope you always see him with the same eyes that i do. i love and adore him and i am a better woman for having him in my life. he has given me the best three gifts ever!

dan o'connor sang "time in a bottle" at our wedding, its the same song that was played at my parents wedding. since they have been married for such a long time, i thought it was appropriate and a good omen to do the same at our ceremony. i often reflect on the lyrics close to our anniversary and they hold as true today as they did six years ago- he's the one i want to go through time with.

happy to have you, happy to love you, happy anniversary, rothy!

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with 


Jim Croce

the siblings

i had anticipated my first two children being unsure and inquisitive about their new baby sister, but have been pleasantly surprised at how much they LIKE her. they really LIKE her. actually, they are smitten with her and totally and completely in love with her. i am certain the day will come when the new has worn off and eleanor is slobbering on jack's trains and she will become less enchanting; but for now its about the cutest, most heart warming thing in the world.

they have become excellent hand washers and use "hanitizer" frequently, before fighting over who gets to hold her. they each have their own boppy and they love to snuggle with her on the bed. 

i have to give credit to tasha young, who has the cutest, hippest bog ever for the brilliant idea i am about to rip off! she uses "isms" in her blog, "husbandism" and "toddlerisms"-- and i thought it would be appropriate to have our own set of "isms," as there have been a plenitude of hilarious things happening around here. there are things you don't really think about when introducing a new sibling. . . like how does it eat? where did it come from? jack is too quick to ask these questions, so i have had to be light on my feet and decided to just answer him as honestly and vaguely as possible. 

like these jackisms. . .

"how did that baby come out?" well, there is one bonus of the c-section. they cut my stomach open and pulled her out. ta-da! simple enough answer. and he bought it, with no follow up questions about HOW it got in my stomach in the first place. 

"why is she chewing on your nipples?"--- um. well. you know how cows make milk for people and baby cows to drink, well, mommy makes milk for eleanor to drink. "yea, like those big, huge pink thing that hang down?" right, jack, exactly. they are called udders. "i didn't know you had udders, mommy."

the nipple thing has been a real matter of fact deal around here. he is totally down with knowing that is how eleanor eats, but he wants to talk about it. a lot. and to everyone. like my 88 year old grandpa. yesterday at lunch, i took the baby upstairs to feed her and jack informed grandpa verne that "your nipples don't work grandpa." it might be the first time in my entire life i have seen my grandfather that quiet. i don't think he even responded but i was just certain that i was going to pop a stitch in laughter. 

vivian's speech and comprehension isn't quite what her older brother's is but she is fascinated with her new baby. she is puzzled that this new baby doesn't talk and gets closer and closer to eleanor's face with a "hi baby. hi baby. baby. . . hi?" vivian also gets so super excited around her that her speech speeds up and she ends up calling the baby "ner ner" instead of "eleanor." its hilarious and i hope it doesn't stick. 

ner ner roth just doesn't have the ring to it i was looking for. 

its complete chaos around here all the time, but eleanor seems to be the most content in the midst of it. she rouses when its too quiet. her little eyes flutter open when she hears jack's voice and she turns her head to find him. he sings to her when she gets fussy and she calms down to listen to him. its my greatest hope that they all adore each other like they do right now. thing one and thing two simply beam when they look at her and she is the most happy around them. what more could a parent ask for? 

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life." 

  Isadora James

isn't she lovely

"Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love"


Stevie Wonder, Isn't She Lovely



in the 24 hours leading up to butterscotch's birthday, jack was vomiting with a 103 degree fever, i had blood work drawn, a fender bender in the parking lot at the hospital and buried my grandmother. i never anticipated being able to sleep the night leading up to "the" day but i was so exhausted from the mayhem, i crashed immediately after packing my bag. i woke up nearly every hour on the hour and finally at 4:06 am i got in the shower. i was nervous and excited.

we got to the hospital around 6 in the morning and they wasted no time getting things going. randy and i were thrilled to discover the nurse that would be taking care of us for the day, was our favorite nurse that had taken care of us during jack and vivian's birthday! i knew our luck was changing. . . and then she tried to start my iv. ugh. she blew veins in the tops of each hand and i was very near passing out. ugh again. another nurse came in and drew additional labs they had forgotten to take the previous day and finally got my iv started. dr nichols came in and went over the surgery one last time and told me that they had plenty of my blood type on hand in the event of an emergency and she wanted me to be aware that in a worse case scenario that they couldn't stop the bleeding, she would have to remove my uterus! WTH!? talk about changing the game and upping my nerves! whoa!

i shuffled into the operating room alone while randy waited behind. it was cold, sterile, bright and so clinical. . . everything an operating room should be and everything a birthing experience should not be. they started my spinal block, draped me and brought randy in. the party had officially begun. in a matter of mere moments, the baby was out. dr nichols held it up to show randy so he could be the one to announce the sex! he stumbled with his words and finally said "its a girl?"

ITS A GIRL?

i couldn't believe it. could not believe it. although i would have loved a boy just as much, it really was my heart's desire to have a baby girl. in all my previous thoughts about this baby, my only premonition was that it would have dark hair like jack and there she was in all her glory, a perfect, little dark haired baby girl! i saw her briefly, the nurse nuzzled her to my nose and in an instant she and randy were gone. just like that. i laid there on the table, arms out stretched, monitors beeping, the sounds of "repair" going on beyond the blue curtain and i was alone. the anesthesiologist must have detected my anxiety because in that moment, he asked me if i would like a mild sedative. uh, yes, please! he injected my iv and i could gradually hear my heartbeat slow down on the monitor. i believe it took another 30-45 minutes for them to put me back together and wheel me to my room for recovery. it was at this point randy came in to inform me that our baby had been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit for respiratory issues. it was all so surreal to me. i had a baby, but i didn't have a baby. weird.

at 7:55 am, Eleanor Christine Roth came into the world and i didn't see her again until 3:00 that day. the goal for post-surgery was for me to get up some time the next day but there was no way in hell i was not getting out of that bed and to the nicu to see my baby, to touch my baby. after the fog lifted and i had my pain under control, i struggled to get myself into a wheel chair to go and see her. she seemed so tiny, weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz, laying on a warming pad in only a diaper, underneath an oxygen bubble. i could only touch her legs and tiny feet as i watched her panting. she had an iv and was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and wires. it was a horrible and helpless feeling. every few hours though, she seemed to be doing better and it was a matter of waiting for the dr to come in and give her the clear to be able to come to our room. when we held her, she calmed down and her breathing slowed to a normal pace.

they kept her in the nicu the following day, but i was able to get up and go nurse her every three hours. talk about bittersweet- being in pain from surgery and tired but anxious to get up and be able to go and hold her. 48 hours after she came in to this world, the doctor finally released her to come to our room. thank God! i finally got to hold her, inspect her and really get to know her. we actually enjoyed the next few days in the hospital, even opting to stay an extra day. it was quiet and peaceful, with very few visitors. just us and our new baby girl.

eleanor is the sweetest baby, so snugly, so calm, so laid back. everything a third baby should be! and has to be! i intend to hold her too much, kiss her too often and make too big a fuss over her. she is everything we never knew we wanted and then some. i laugh now thinking about randy and i talking last fall about revisiting the idea of another baby at the end of the summer- and now here it is, the end of summer and she is already here. we have a three and a half year old, a 22 month old and a new baby. we are complete and happy, in a state of bliss that only comes from having children. i'm happier than i ever could have imagined and its because of the four other people that make us a family! how lucky are we?

lightning crashes

its an ironic thing, the way that life and death work, after all there is nothing more natural than either of them. people come, people go, the cycle of life continues every day. late last night my grandmother escaped this world and went on to the next. she has been rotting in a nursing home the last five years, spending at least the last three in a some what vegetated state. she hadn't spoken in ages, was unable to feed or take care of herself. most days we wondered what kept her hanging on and prayed for the day that she would gently fall asleep and not wake up. they say you exit this life, similarly to the way you lived it, and i can't say that my grandmother did this any differently. she liked to have family around and was tilted a bit to the dramatic side. (maybe that is where i get it?) i was all set and scheduled to give birth on monday morning and now i will spend that day burying my grandma nancy.

of all the crummy timing, this was the worst. in the last two weeks we have gotten negative lab results back from my brother's kidney doctor, my dad resigned from his job last monday which means in addition to my dad soon being unemployed, my parents will be moving to a new location AND i got inconclusive results back from my painful amnio yesterday. did i mention its hotter than seven kinds of hell right now too and i have a heat rash on my very pregnant belly? i made my peace with grandma years ago and in my mind she has been gone for a while, but i wasn't prepared for the flood of emotion i have been experiencing today. indeed, God gives you only as much as you can handle but i am calling "PLATE FULL!" right now. i've been trying to maintain some level of composure and keep my stress level down to avoid pre-term labor, the worst thing that could happen is for me to start having contractions. i'm hoping nancy is keeping a watchful eye on baby and me in between doing the waltz with my grandpa.

i have spent the last two days recounting my moments with her, she was very special to me growing up and especially in to adulthood. she was the more nurturing of my two grandmother's, more the story book type. she cooked special meals for me, doted after me and smothered me with kisses. i spent countless hours in college laying on her couch lamenting over boys and my parents. she was the best listener and my biggest cheerleader. it breaks my heart that she never got to meet my children, she would have really gotten a kick out of them. every morning she got up, put her make up on, her bedazzled track suit and always looked like a lady. her hair was done every friday, her nails every two weeks. she liked yogurt for breakfast and made a mean over easy egg. she read the paper every morning, was an early riser and always had a pot of coffee. to this day i haven't had roast beef and noodles that compared to hers and i kick myself that i didn't spend more time in the kitchen with her. she loved hawaii, sweet adalines, singing, dancing and christmas. she liked to talk a lot, never met a stranger and i think most of her income went to at&t. she had seven children and coincidentally had them boy-girl-boy-girl all the way to the very last one. i am not sure what inspired her to do so, but all the boys names start with the letter "D" and all the girls, the letter "C." it was laughable to hear her call for one, screw up the name, and make it damn near through the whole list before she got the correct name. (insert my name starting with the letter "C" as well and sometimes i got thrown into the mix) until the very end, she prided herself on never having a traffic ticket and she loved to go get a diet coke and go for a drive. i loved that about her. sometimes we would just get in the car, grab ice cream and drive all over town. she had a magical way of making me feel like i was the most special, wonderful person in the world! like i was the lucky one to be the favorite grandchild, even though i know she loved us all the same. she was very proud of my father, bragged about him all of the time. i, personally, think he is the best thing she ever did! :)

no matter how old you get, grandparents are very special people. i miss the sparkle and joy she brought to my life. there is a place in my life that will never be that bright again without her there. but i can still hear her voice, her laughter and remember exactly where her arms hit me around the waist when she hugged me. i know that she would want me to focus my energy and thoughts on this baby right now but its hard to do knowing that this part of my life is really officially over. so i am going to give myself the rest of today and tomorrow to just feel bad and miss her; but on sunday i am going to be glad. i am going to be glad that she is no longer suffering. no longer alone in that nursing home. no longer unable to enjoy all of the things she loved. she has moved on to a better place, leaving this world a little dimmer, the next a little brighter. i am going to think about her in the delivery room, knowing that my baby, my lucky baby, is going to have its own personal, newly appointed angel to help usher it into my arms.

i love you and will always miss you, nanetta maxine.

"lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide"


lightning crashes, live

keep on, keepin' on

oh man. i don't know how i have gotten so far removed from blogging, but i can't even remember the last time i posted. its become a nearly daunting task, like when you think of an old friend frequently and know you should call, but its been so long you're almost "afraid" to pick up the phone. in my mind, i blog every night, noting the little things that happen during the day!

today is monday june 18th and by this time in one week, there will be three of you. i have been hesitant to post much about it, but since things are all firmed up now, i feel like the coast is clear. at my 20 week ultrasound they discovered a placenta previa, which basically means the placenta is underneath baby butterscotch. the risk factor involved with that is that if i were to go into labor on my own, i would potentially deliver it first, there by removing the baby's life line. no oxygen, blood or baby support system. the other risk is that i could basically bleed to death! either way, no fun, not safe for either one of us. they were hoping that over the course of a few months, this would rectify itself. it hasn't. now we are having a scheduled c-section three weeks early. i know that people have sections all of the time, but i can't help but be a little nervous and disappointed in all of this news. now we go from having a birth, to having a scheduled surgery. i am not looking forward to having a wound, not being able to pick up my other little people and the restrictions that are coming along with this development. alas, its the safest thing for everyone involved so i am just trying to accept that its out of my hands.

i am getting very excited to meet this little person who has brought so many surprises the last 9 months! and thank God its coming three weeks early because i am so over being pregnant. i have officially gained more weight with this baby than combined the first two! seriously. im waddling something fierce and can't get comfortable most of the day. not to mention that the heat index has been nearly 120 around here lately. fat, pregnant girl + heat = not good! we have been hibernating indoors the majority of the day and don't come out until evenings. then we go directly to the pool and swim for a few hours, having  developed a fun little routine of swimming and ending the night with popsicles. vivian can't manage to get the word "popsicle" out so she just requests bomb pops most nights. i think she is on to us that something is about to change, she has become a real momma's girl and clings to me most of the day. its bittersweet in that its nice she likes me but a real pain that she won't go to anyone else. her days as the baby are numbered!

we brought the bassinet and changing table into our room and vivian put all her dolls and blankets into the bed. i think i am going to keep a very close eye on her and the baby! she might become quite the little helper. jack on the other hand, seems to be very excited for the birth of his new sibling. most days he says butterscotch is a girl and there seems to be a genuine level of excitement with him. i think he, too, is ready for me to not be pregnant anymore since i am constantly uncomfortable and lounge around a lot. getting down on the ground to side walk chalk is next to impossible! i am so grateful we can still swim so i am not a complete dud of a mother. i am hopeful neither of them will remember how lethargic and useless i am right now.

this pregnancy i have been really into seltzer water with lots of fresh squeezed lime, lavender essential oils and ice cream. i've had no real cravings, though i would certainly be killing the tomatoes in the back yard if they would ever ripen. i probably have 100 green tomatoes out there and have only had ONE red one all summer. i got a little over ambitious with the plantings this summer but thought if i was going to grow things, i might as well really GROW things. they will probably all turn next week when i am in the hospital. . .

jack and vivian are in the middle of a growth spurt, we had to go and buy everyone new tennis shoes today. we love new shoes around here. vivian is speaking in compete sentences and the terrible twos are rapidly approaching. just today randy noted that she was probably going to spend a lot of time in time out! she now yells "i want it," "NOW!" and "NO!" its not so charming. she is virtually potty trained thanks to determination on my part and lots of m & m rewards. it will be so nice to not have to buy quite as many diapers!

jack is ready for preschool to start next month and is becoming a real big boy! he took swimming lessons this summer and can now "swim" with a life jacket on. its more floating with style, but he is getting the jest of it. he learned last week that he cannot, in fact, "swim" on his own and without the jacket; but it has provided him some freedom and i don't have to stay right on top of two children while we are in the pool.  they both really love to go potty outside when we are at the pool- a nifty little trick your dad started letting you do. vivian is very confused that she doesn't have a penis, nothing to hold on to when she goes potty. she reaches around and looks between her legs, desperate to produce a stream with the same magnitude jack does. he got a little "cocky" with his stream the other night and was bragging to grandpa, "watch this!" making it go up and down. while he was in the middle of boasting and not pay attention, he managed to piss right in his own face, mouth included! grandpa was laughing so hard, i thought for certain HE too was going to wet his own pants. ah, boys.

other than that, i have nothing profound to note! this is probably a really disappointing posting. we have just been keep on, keepin' on and trying to make it until things resume to our version of normal. i'm not so sure i am ready to have a newborn baby and two other children under the age of 4 but i am, indeed, so ready to no longer be pregnant. i can practically taste the sushi and martinis already! hopefully i will manage to slide one or two more posts into this week but there is a good chance the next post will be about your new sibling!

let the games begin!

monkey on my back

there is a whole ridiculous list of things i said i would never do as a parent BEFORE i was actually a parent. one of those being, i would never let my child sleep with me. NEVER. its funny how all that changes at the end of a long, exhausting day when you are out of "the fight." i'm too tired to argue, too tired to get up and send jack back to his bed and too tired to explain why a tornado is not going to take our house away every time it storms. some nights, most nights, in fact, its easier to tuck you in next to me and fall asleep. randy prefers falling asleep to the television and i have to have complete darkness and silence; so this scenario has been working out alright for us lately. daddy gets to watch horrible movies like "the fast and the furious," jack gets to feel like all is right in his little bubble and i don't have to listen to randy snore or wrangle jack back into his own bed.

lately, however, jack has become something of a velcro child, adhering himself to my back like a little capuchin monkey. he wants to sleep on my pillow and as close as humanly possible to me. i am not sure if its in light of all the recent tornado coverage we've been watching or that i let you watch the entire thriller video this week? (parental fail!) you weren't a huge fan of michael jackson turning into a werewolf, but found the dancing zombies hilarious. how was i supposed to see that coming? you're such a mature little package, i some times forget that things might frighten you. . . or not. . . because i remember the first time i saw that video and the creepy dead guy with oozing green coming from his mouth was pretty scary, not so much funny! anyways, between jack and the surprise guest, i am being made uncomfortable by TWO children now at night. the baby is so busy at night, there is certainly a party of some sort going on in there. if its current night owl tendencies are any indication of what is to come, i am going to be up most of the night with an active newborn. i suppose none of it really matters since i am up every two hours to go to the bathroom anyways! there truly is no rest for the wicked!

also this week, we went to omaha for a quick over night trip and to the zoo. we swam in the hotel pool the night before, wearing everyone out. you two and daddy fell asleep at 9:30 and i laid there awake until at least one in the morning. i could hear each of you breathing, vivian rolling into the side of her pack and play, jack talking in his sleep and daddy snoring. it was a long miserable night for me and this new found pregnancy "symptom" of restless legs kept me up. i'm not really even sure how or why it happens but it is miserable. i will add it to the long, tragic list i am keeping to justify why you all should pay for my plastic surgery later in life-- i have sacrificed and suffered for you. *wink*

the zoo was great, we picked a glorious day to go. it was 80 degrees, sunny and breezy. beautiful. we all had a really great time. no matter how old i get or how many times i have seen some of these amazing animals, i can't help but be captivated by their splendor. my favorite part was the bottom of the desert dome, it is a creepy, crawly kinda place where things go bump in the night. there were several different species of bats, freaked the hell out of your dad, but i found them fascinating. its a rare thing to see them doing what they do in a some what natural habitat. i also really loved the swamp area, it was strait out of the bayou, complete with an albino alligator. amazing. you all seemed to really love the penguins the best, there was one in particular that put on a spectacular show. he was swimming extremely fast and twisting, turning and jumping out of the water. a show off indeed and he was impressive.

i was the first that day to wear out and by the time we hit the gorilla house i was ready to hit the road. i had waddled far enough for the day. after five wonderful hours of fun, we hopped in the car and returned home. you two slept the entire two hour journey, a rarity because you both usually refuse to sleep in the car.

it was a thing of silent, blissful beauty. . . if only my nights were equally as tranquil.