Thursday, September 29, 2011

here's the deal

here's the deal; in my mind, i blog every single night. i lay in bed awaiting eleanor to fall asleep, listening to her breathing, sighing and grunting, meanwhile i am blogging in my head. i run through the days events, registering the happenings. i have every intention of sitting at this computer and putting my thoughts on "paper" its just that, well, it rarely happens. i'm tired, really tired and by the time i have juggled every one's happiness all day long, the few moments of silence i do have, i like to spend doing nothing.

nothing at all.

i've enlisted the help of some friends to keep me on task. tara horn, i know you're out there and i appreciate the effort. in fact, because of you, i am sitting here tonight forcing myself to do something productive. i mean, after all, i started this for my kids as a record of even the mundane and i am failing miserably at keeping it up. i have the best of intentions of course, but remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intent. you may have a heart of gold, but then again, so does a hard boiled egg. (i guess what i am saying, let this be today's lesson! follow through with your intent!)

the other thing about my writing, is that is has to be fueled by emotion. perhaps i should have made better use of that journalism scholarship to mizzou so many years ago, i might have learned how to just write. its not that i don't suffer from a wide range of emotions on a daily basis, its just finding the time and the words. the three of you provide ample material, don't get me wrong, i just always am looking for something outstanding and magical about our days. but tonight, something different came to mind. i was sitting in the bathtub, my perennial think tank, when i came across a book titled "the gift of an ordinary day."

hmm, i thought to myself and recollected over our day. it was ordinary, like most days, full of preschool, errand running, coffee with a friend, a play date, naps, dinner and baths. but the more i think about it, the more blessed it all seems to be. its not often that i, that we as human beings, really sit back and count our blessings. there are extraordinary things that happen in micro burst through out the day, today and every day. take for instance, the fact that grandma and grandpa are staying with us right now until they find a new house in springfield and the freedom and ease that brings to every one's lives. i marveled today at how productive i am with a "nanny" at the house. i was checking things off my list and we scooted out the door on time, when we should have been late because we had extra hands on deck to help us do so.

its so nice to have them here, it brings an element of warmth and happiness into our home. the effort they put forth in getting to know the three of you is outstanding! they like you, they really, really like you. i can see the joy in their eyes that differs from my childhood, its more carefree and sacred. my father acts like a completely different man than the one i grew up with; sometimes i am embarrassed for him at his goofiness and how far he will go to get a laugh out of you. its a really charming quality in my dad and its nice to see him in this light. vivian is a real mamaw's girl, when her stubbornness will allow it. everything now is "vivi do it" "let me do it" "you go 'way" and my all time favorite, "NO!" *sigh* mom and dad get a real kick at what a chip off the old block you both are, telling me countless times that your stubbornness and hard-headed-ness is my payback. *sigh again* but i am thinking if the two of you are my penance right now, then sweet baby eleanor is my reward. i could not ask for a better baby, she is so mild mannered and easy. she has been sleeping in 7 hour stretches the last few nights which is remarkable for only being 9 weeks old. jack was about 15 weeks old before that happened and vivian was nearly 7 months! a very loooonnnnnng 7 months.

we are gearing up for our biggest and best month of the year, october. vivian turns the big TWO next week, i can hardly believe it! then we have uncle tim's 30th, jack's 4th and halloween. there is something going on all of the time and its going to be an extraordinarily good month for us, i just know it.

even if i dont blog as frequently as i should, just know that i am constantly burning these memories to my brain! i love you when we are doing big, exciting things and i love you when you are "helping" me fold the laundry. thank you for being my little gifts today and every day!

Monday, September 5, 2011

labor of love

today was labor day, the official last day of summer. the sun is setting at a different angle as it hits the chandeliers in the kitchen, the the leaves in the front yard are starting to change and there is a crispness in the air that only comes with the onset of fall. i look forward to this time of year and yet, i feel so guilty for wishing summer away. i've grown tired of watering the plants, putting away pool towels but in january i am going to long for these things.

our days of sleeping in until 9 every morning have come to a screetching hault, replaced with alarm clocks and schedules. its a bit of a welcome change, though after feeding eleanor every three hours, i don't quite wake up with the vim and vigor i need. she is up at 1:30, 4:30 and then again at 7:30. i find the 4:30 feeding especially rough, my eye balls are grainy and its hard to muster the energy to get up some times. sleeping in two and a half hour intervals is beginning to take its toll on me and by the weekend i am pretty wiped out. she's my favorite reason to lose sleep though, such a sweet baby. she'll be 6 weeks old tomorrow, i can hardly believe it. soon she will straighten out and not be that cuddly little ball on my chest and i will be heart broken!

vivian has been up to her usual antics and is becoming more and more daring by the day. she is a constant source of amusement coupled with fear. i finally had enough of her and jack diving off the back of the couch that i sold the damn thing. they would remove all the pillows, put them on the floor and jump from the windows. she's a month away from being two, not quite as agile as her older brother. we were a mere jump away from an emergency room visit! her new buzz phrases are "dog gone it" and "oh my goodness"-- its about the cutest thing ever coming out in that squeaky little voice. she's still into dancing, loving "party rock anthem," "i wanna rock" and "shake senora" very well rounded in her musical taste- she break dances, headbangs and does some salsa! since eleanor's arrival vivian has become a real daddy's girl and was a little lost when he went back to work. we all wish we could win the lottery and he could stay home with us every day- life is more fun when he is here. vivian is going through a bit of an upside down sunglass phase lately. most of our battles are over potty training, hair bows, purses and necklaces. i do believe, i have created a monster. all those days of putting a bow back in your hair and pulling your hand away as you ripped them out have caught up with me and the very first request in the morning is for a PINK BOW! (secretly, i really love the over the top pink goodness, its something i dreamed about!) you get in a hurry when telling me something and produce run on sentences- my name slurs into the sentence and i have been reduced to just "ommy." you crack me up and are the funniest, spunkiest little thing. 

our big, almost four year old started preschool last week and is loving it! he is going to st paul lutheran two days a week. his buddy charlie schnurr is in his class and they are having a ball together. he learned about daycare last week and told me that he sure wished he could go to daycare! i tried to explain to him how lucky he was that daddy worked so hard and we made sacrifices so that i could stay home with them and they could have play dates and sleep in and nap in their own beds! its a difficult concept to grasp i suppose, but i hope some day you will all appreciate the effort that was put forth so i could stay home with you. i know that as much as there are days i wish i was working and someone else was dealing with your antics, i am so grateful for these moments. 

jack is already requesting more monster trucks for his birthday and we have been planning our very first friends only birthday party. its a pretty big deal! your'e into saltine crackers, boxer brief underwear and hanging out with your dad. he has been taking the big two on outings lately to give me an opportunity to clear my head. your favorite is feeding the ducks at krug park- which jack calls "credit park" and randy and i refer to now as "no-credit park." you wrap the evening up with a trip to dairy queen, st joseph's great economic equalizer. our dq's are unique kiosks that are only open seasonally and everyone in town loves them. . . none so much as me, however. i am trying desperately to get off the ice cream and just go back to drinking. *wink* 

i was reminded this weekend of how much parenting is a labor of love. the days are long but the years are short. it seems like i just blinked and my babies are six weeks, nearly two and nearly four. how did that happen? where does the time go? there have been days the past few weeks where the bickering, arguing and antagonizing of one another has been more than i can bare and then you'll do something so sincerely sweet to one another and all is right in the world again. i suppose these are the days, the moments, that create the bonds between siblings. as a parent, you win some days and others you lose, but its the willingness and love to keep fighting the good fight that makes all the difference. daddy and i watch all of these intervention shows and most of the time you can trace their addictions or stumbles back to their parents. its a daunting challenge, this parenting gig, knowing i could solely be responsible for screwing you up. i promise to do my best though. i am going to keep learning, keep trying, keep laboring to make sure you turn out to be decent, happy human beings.