sh*t happens

they say shit happens. today, it happened a lot at my house.

my absolute worst fear, aside from bodily harm to one of my children, has always been the independent diaper removal scenerio. i should have known it would happen with my rotten, little blue eyed girl.

she was awfully quiet after family nap time today and i thought she had fallen asleep. finally, i heard her chirping so i thought i would go get her. opening the door i immediatly knew she had pooped her pants, the stench was horrific. as i walked closer to the crib she sweetly said "oh, no, MESS!"

OH NO! MESS!?!?!?!?

her hands, feet, hair, face and entire body were crusted with baby shit. it was all over the crib, the bedding, the wall, her bunny. dis-gust-ing. she just sat there looking at me, waiting for a reaction. i was literally speechless. my worst parenting fear had come to fruition. *deep breath* i had not anticipated the hour long clean up procedure that was to follow, i had to scrub every inch of her nasty little body. by the grace of God, rothy was on his way home from atlanta and was nearly at the house. he stripped the bed and started everything in the washing machine while i wrangled the poop machine.

she seemed so smug and proud of herself when i helped her tell her daddy what she had done. this child is going to do me in, i am just certain of it. from now on, no more unfinished basements for vivian. she is going to be locked and loaded in a onsie until she is 12. i might even start duct taping her diapers when she is left alone to her own devices.

as if that weren't enough fun for the day, the dog also decided this was also an appropriate time to shit in the hallway. even more awesomeness. it's days like today that i am really thankful to be married to a pseudo janitor that doesn't get grossed out by bodily functions.

oh calgon, you cannot take me far enough away tonight!

darling nikki

there is something about pregnancy and nikki sixx that just seem to go together for me. i know that is a random statement and i am sure if he were to ever read it he would certainly be frightened by seeing his name and "pregnancy" together. its weird. and its haunting.

by the time you two (three!) are old enough to read these books, you will be more than aware that i love 80's hair metal. in fact, i love it so much, i wish i was just about five or ten years older so i really could have raged. i went to my first motley crue concert in 7th grade with my older cousin, eric, and some of his friends. to this day, i am a little surprised my mother let me go, but she did and i had a smashing time. i remember hearing motley crue on the radio back then and loving them, but nothing like i have in my 30's.

during my first pregnancy, i had the sweetest little bmw x5. it was black and it was fast. i would put on "kick start my heart" and as the guitar would accelerate, so would i. the music would get louder and louder and i played it on a loop. i felt so lousy most of that pregnancy, it was one of those weird things that made me feel normal, made me feel like me. the music would pound through my chest and i found it so reassuring and "me." the thing about pending parenthood, is that you know things are going to drastically change and consume your life; but its frightening that some how the "you" that "you" know can get lost. my body and mind were going through all of these changes that didn't seem to be effecting randy and the only thing that brought me back to center was that guitar riff.

in my last trimester, angela bought me "the heroin diaries," nikki's first book/diary. i read it cover to cover in the days leading up to delivery. it was all about frankie going to hollywood and the roller coaster ride he endured through drug dependency. it took me out of my own head and into his sick and twisted world. the beauty of that deal, was the happy ending. he came out more evolved and omniscient because of it; but the thing that stuck with me the most was just that he freaking survived! once again, hard to find nikki sixx= pregnancy but in those moments i was looking for some inspiration on survival.

i feel like its important to note, that during my second pregnancy, nikki wasn't so present. i got a little tangled up with some vampire novels during that time frame; which might explain why vivian is nocturnal and bites all of the time. . .

moving on to pregnancy number three and now nikki comes out with a much anticipated second book, "this is gonna hurt." it features his photography and journaling. i bought it on my ipad and have highlighted so many quotations from it! who would have ever thought a pregnant mother of two, living in a missouri suburb would find so many inspiring things from an eccentric, outspoken rock star? i find his art captivating, unsettling at times, but i think that is what he is going for. there is a certain something about him that likes to shock and awe; i totally get that about him. its thought provoking and in the hum-drums of life, something we all need. while i don't agree with everything he says or feels, it makes me think.

so here we are again. just me, nikki sixx and a cooking baby. he shows up in my facebook news feed, my dreams and i am happy to have him there. he's a refreshing reminder that life is beautiful and while i will never be the same me i am today, there is the potential for me, too, to become more evolved, provoked and omniscient.

"when i get high
i get high on speed
top fuel funny car's 
a drug for me


my heart, my heart
kickstart my heart."


motley crue





*i would like to add, for the record, i am totally pissed that motley crue is coming to kansas city this summer and i am going to miss them. again. like i did the last time they were here and i was pregnant. i need to stop having babies and they need to tour again next year. damn it!

to make you feel my love

hey. its me.

your mom. the one who had the best of intentions of posting on a regular basis so you could look back fondly on all the fun things we did in your childhood.

its just, that, well, i am really effing tired lately.

as you well know i am a night owl and usually do my best thinking in the darkness. its just now, those dark hours are spent in bed. usually with my eyes closed.

chasing the two of you around all day and growing your sibling is proving to be quite taxing on my body. my hips feel like they are broken by dinner time, i seriously, need a walker. most nights i am not even remotely interested in things i have dvr'd and you can't even imagine how neglected your poor father is! but here i am, forfeiting a nap this afternoon so i can bring you up to speed on life.

its may now and since my last post, easter has come and gone, prince william got married, osama bin laden is dead, jack's had strep throat, the weather has totally skipped spring and gone straight to 95, we've been to kirksville for the grand opening of grandpa's office, your dad did NOT kill a turkey again this season, you gave me chanel sunglasses for mother's day and i have gained exactly 6 lbs, most of which i am certain have come from my nightly ice cream runs. i feel like if i can't have cocktails, by God, i am going to eat ice cream. a lot of it.

those are all of the really big highlights of the last month but there have been some quieter things happening too. you both have had your half birthdays and i am happy to report you have grown leaps and bounds since turning 1 and 3. jack is now 41 3/4 inches and 34 pounds. vivian is a scrappy 32 inches and 22 pounds. according to iBaby (yes, there's an ap for that!) your sibling is 26 weeks old, 14 inches long and weighs about 1lb 14oz- and is always having a tap dancing party on my ribs. (oh what a feeling! we're dancing on the ceiling!) i won't even tell you how much weight i have gained since MY birthday. *sigh*

vivian is starting to talk in sentences, repeating everything and finds great joy in saying "bless you" when anyone sneezes. it is allergy season around here after all, so its happening frequently. her hair is long enough to put in pig tails and she's had two real hair cuts now. she has developed quite a sweet tooth lately and will do just about anything for candy. i bartered with her the other day, poop in the potty would get her some candy. she produced poop, on the living room floor and still thought that warranted a treat! she has got some negotiating skills and i think we are a long way off from not buying diapers.

jack is all in on holidays now, he's a chip off the old lady grandma block. she likes holidays, gives her something to look forward to and decorate for and he is fully on her bandwagon. his vocabulary is blowing up and you're even counting in spanish now. he's a total sack rat like his mother, stays up late and sleeps in, most mornings i have to wake you up around 9. i love that about you. he thought princess catherine was "so pretty" and i couldn't agree more. you loved hunting for easter eggs and killed it at moila's egg hunt this year. you found the egg with the big prize and picked an 8 pack of bubbles so you could share them with your friends. you're having a bit of a hard time with listening and talking back lately, i only anticipate that to get much worse over the years.

your dad will probably kill me for publishing this in my public blog, but it was so funny! last week your dad was on a tangent about something and thought you were out of ear shot. he said "that is just so f**king stupid!" and jack chimed in "uh, daddy. . ." and we both knew what was coming! and then you said "daddy, we don't say STUPID in this house!" whew. by the skin of your teeth, rothy. by the skin of your teeth you didn't get busted. it was hilarious.

jack and i have been listening to adele lately and she does an incredible version of "to make you feel my love." its a song originally written by bob dylan but everything he does is basically inaudible in my opinion. her version is so wrenching and tender, i just love it. although i know its a romantic love song, i can't help but think of the two of you when i hear it. the lyrics resonate so much with me and how i feel about the two of you. i thought about it a lot this mother's day, how i really would do anything for you. i'm so lucky that the two of you came along considering the amount of work and waiting it took for you to arrive. it blows my mind to think God is sending me another one of you to love and how blessed i am to get to be a mom to someone else. i really can't wait to meet you! i am so grateful for jack for making me a mom, so grateful for vivian for making me a better mom and the surprise guest i will be so thankful for the plastic surgery i will need after you!

well, until your dad gets me that housekeeper i want, i am still the guy who does the laundry around here so i better get after it. i am going to really, super try to post more often. super try. until next time. . .


"When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adele/make_you_feel_my_love.html ]
I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love"


Bob Dylan