Thursday, February 24, 2011

its still february

yesterday it was nearly 70 degrees, the two of you were outside playing with daddy minus coats. today the temperatures keep dropping and flurries keep falling. we have been sitting in the playroom most of the day, its like being in your own version of a snow globe. its beautiful. all of the snow had finally melted last week and now its quickly building back up. they are expecting up to an inch an hour for the next 4-5 hours. (just in time for me to go to work!) daddy was going to take the two of you two kirksville tomorrow to help grandpa with some floor stuff at his new office and i was going to lag behind for a doctors appointment. i believe the trip has been postponed and i am not sure who will be more disappointed, you or your grandparents. old man winter has remarkable consistency in changing plans last minute.

i have grown ridiculously tired of the cold, the snow, the dead and sad landscape. over the course of the last four years, this time of year has been connected with either being miserable with morning sickness or sleep deprived from having a newborn. i suspect next winter will be no different. daddy better plan a vacation for me to some place warm- i am not sure how many more winters like this i can take. in fact, i told randy just the other day, that despite my love of all of our friends here, i have decided that i no longer need to live in a climate that has four seasons. i might even be able to live with just two. or even one- just warm. warm and sunny. ah, just thinking about it makes me happy. happy like a lizard lying on a big flat, hot rock. randy told me, as great as that sounded, i might be a little premature in my "retirement goals" and that unless hillyard sold or we won the lottery, saint joseph would be our home indefinitely. boo.

if only i hadn't been on the other side, hadn't lived in texas or hawaii where i know how good the warmth can feel on your skin. how even grocery shopping is easier in the heat. you don't mind parking at the very end of the parking lot, when its 75 and breezy all year long. you can play outside all year long! vitamin d is natural, abundant and free! oh what i wouldn't do to still be living on that little rock in the middle of the ocean right now.

but the reality is that, 3028 is our home sweet home, so i am trying to endure, trying to make the very best of it. these days are good for staying in your pajammas way too long, not brushing your hair, playing silly games, catching up on laundry, making chicken noodle soup, drinking hot chocolate, destroying the house (you two have NO problems with this!) and dreaming about your next vacation that includes a beach and tropical drink with an umbrella in it. oh, and napping. a long winter's nap is crucial on these days. in fact, i do believe it is that time right now, so off we go.

i will be dreaming of sand and surf.


what childhood would be complete without bathtub photos? i LOVE your faces in the first one! vivian has a small problem with going potty in the tub and this is the face i usually get from you as we scramble to jump out of the tub. this was not the case this time, but something sure was frightening! 

Monday, February 21, 2011

what a man!

i love that it says FORVER above us in this picture

i've been slacking with the posting lately, mainly because it takes a lot of time and i am still really pissed about my accidental delete from last week. i'm trying to get over it, for the sake of the children, so here i am tonight.

fortunately, this topic was quick to come to my mind and i thought i would share it with you two.

your. dad. is. awesome.

i should have known from the start of the week it was going to be a little rough- after all, you two did duke it out over a puzzle piece. jack was rebounding from strep and vivian was starting to come down with the ick too. (not the fish kind, the kid kind, which is worse!) naturally, this would be the time your dad always goes out of town- two kids usually means traveling husband. but as luck would have it, he was in town all of last week. monday night i managed to screw up my back at work, turns out as your body is preparing for baby's birth, you start producing a chemical called "relaxin." this chemical loosens bones, muscles and ligaments, but does not discriminate to one area of your body. i spent the majority of the rest of the week at the chiropractor or in bed. my sacrum, tailbone, refuses to stay in place. this might be one of the more painful things i have experienced throughout my pregnancies, as there is really not much i can take/do to alleviate the pain. standing is good; walking, bending, lifting, sleeping, sitting are all REALLY bad.

on wednesday i dropped vivian and daddy came to my rescue in the afternoon. your dear old mom cries about twice a year, you can double or maybe triple that when i am pregnant. so when randy got home and broke down into a full blown meltdown, he knew things were serious. i think it was a combination of pain, exhaustion and being plain worn out from feeling bad. keep in mind, i am still nauseous and throwing up on top of all of this other new stuff. randy gently put my back in to bed and said he had things under control- at that moment, i really believed him. and he did.

he took the next day off of work to stay home and take care of all three of us. he even managed to do the laundry and acquire all of the foods i was craving. (except jerre anne's and the d & g, both of which are closed and he asked me to focus on something more "possible!") it happened to be a 70 degree february day that day, he took you both outside and you all played in the yard. the snow had finally melted, leaving our yard a muddy, dog-poo-land-mine pit. but you all had fun and i even managed to make it outside and sit in the sunshine. it felt amazing. it also felt amazing to sit there and watch your daddy interact with the two of you. he is naturally a good father and you both adore him.

days and times like this are good for all of us- i get much needed rest and your relationship has an opportunity to develop without me intervening. its good for him to know he is perfectly capable, and you to know you can rely on him. it really is a beautiful thing to watch. i have this kind of relationship with my daddy and you are going to be so lucky if you maintain yours.

when randy and i started dating seven years ago there were certain characteristics about him that i fell in love with. above all, he is the funniest guy i know and makes me laugh all of the time. when they say laughter is the best medicine, they aren't kidding. i would never marry someone who didn't make me laugh and i suggest you follow the same rule. it will get you through many a tough time. additionally, i knew that your father was an innately GOOD person, that he would always take care of me and our future children. i mean that not in a financial sense, although he is a good provider, but that he would always care for my heart and well being. he has proven that so many times, but none quite so much as the last week. there is something really self-less about taking on all of the responsibilities of a household, in addition to your responsibilities outside of the home. he has given me very little grief about it and encouraged me to rest and recover. he's done all of the bath times, dispensed all of the medicine, fixed every bottle, cleaned, cooked, done laundry AND still managed to be nice to me and not resentful! what a man!

he has always been very helpful, but i do believe the third time is the charm. THIS time, he gets how hard it can be to be pregnant. he is doing things i normally have to nag ask him to do and doing so with a some what sunny disposition. we even managed to squeak in a date to the kona grille on saturday night- which coincidentally was the place we went on our first real date 7 years ago on march 1st. its hard to believe how quickly time marches on. our first date was more of an interview, i believe we both had grown tired of "dating" and the unknowns that come with it. i remember bouncing questions back and forth, "are you a republican?" "do you believe in God?" "do you go to church?" "do you want children?" "are you going to eat that last eel roll?" it was so much fun, we drank too much wine, talked too much and have been together ever since that moment.

i am so grateful for your daddy! i could not have made it through this week without him and his love. please, please, please let him be a guide for the persons you chose to spend forever with. trust me that some day you will thank me for this advice. i'm going to try my hardest to remember how great he was this week, when he goes on his next big hunting adventure. its the very least i can do!

"What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the man that's made a difference in my world
And although most men are ho's he flows on the down low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl
But I don't sweat it because it's just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that he said/she said crowd
I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it
So here's to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have your baby"

Salt N Pepa

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

love is a battlefield

sometimes love hurts.

you two got an excessive amount of valentines in the mail yesterday, but one proved too much for you to handle. aunt vicky sent jack a valentine that was made up of puzzle pieces and when he opened it and they started falling to the ground, vivian went in for the kill. instead of breaking you two up, i thought i would just let you fight it out a bit. i get really tired of intervening and telling you to stop. i sat back for 60 seconds and let the drama unfold. here is what happened:

little miss silver shoes fights dirty. she was biting and jack tried to throw her to the ground. i love both of your expressions and how there are about 20 puzzle pieces on the floor but something about that ONE was so very sacred. jack ended up victorious this time but it was a pretty fair battle. you both finally stopped and the whole debacle concluded with one of you on each of my legs, crying and pointing to the other one in blame. i then made you hug and kiss and it was like it never happened.

i hope your fights are always that short lived and you make up with sentiment. you won't always agree but i hope you respect each other to keep it clean! be kind to one another.  

i love you two, my funny valentines!

"we are young, heartache to heartache we stand
no promises, no demands love is a battlefield
woah, we are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
love is a battlefield."

pat benetar

*side note to tonight's blog, i wrote an entire, lengthy post about an hour ago and accidentally deleted it. the agony! i am now drowning my sorrows in a bottle of welch's sparkling grape juice. its my new passion, makes me feel like i am drinking really sweet champagne without the buzz. 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

what's love got to do with it?

i kinda hate that my subject heading is a question about love; how very carrie bradshaw of me. but tonight that is the question, what's love got to do with it? what's love got to do with anything? the answer-


its late on a saturday night, at least what is now considered late in my world. its almost ten pm. i have had a full day, a full week by this time and i am tired. i spent the better part of wednesday, thursday and friday nights up with a coughing kid. jack barked so much on thursday night he cried and managed to throw up, so not only did i know this totally was going to change my plans for friday, but i had to squeeze a doctor visit in some how. we are blessed with an amazing doc we call our friend and his guard dog, who answers the phones and makes apts, happens to like my kids. whew.

we arrived at our apt that morning and you would not have known he was sick aside from the "frog in his froat." i was fully expecting doc to tell me he just had a bad cold, so imagine my surprise when they came back with a diagnosis of strep throat! yuck! said he had a swollen, inflamed throat with puss pockets on both sides. this kid had not complained one time about a sore throat! jack's only indicator of sickness is just an overall attitude of defiance and general unpleasantness. its a real treat. he and his sister both started on antibiotics stat and i have been praying very hard that the germ blanket he has covered me with, does not evolve into an illness. i secretly think when you are pregnant you have a super human immune system, so i hope its working. this is where the love factor comes in, because despite knowing he is a little contagion, i still have been holding him, rocking him, wiping his nose and dealing with the coughing and sneezing all over me. i do this because i am the mommy and i love him. its gross and if it were anyone else i would quarantine them, but i let the little germ monkey run free because i love him. (and because cages aren't legal!)

after a rough night of coughing. . .

after some narcotic pain reliever!

this little bug ruined my date night with randy tonight. we were to go to our lovely babysitter, whitney's wedding. i was really looking forward to spending some time with randy and no kids! but alas, he took the at home shift and i took the wedding shift. uncle tim was going anyways so he came along with me. i think it worked out quite well for him as he got a designated driver out of the deal. he was even smart enough to tell me i looked good, not pregnant at all! i was thrilled! but then i confessed to having on spanx and said i was kinda starting to look like maybe i had a beer gut. he got a little too enthusiastic about this and said, "yea, like a freshman girl in college that has stayed skinny every place but all the beer and late night pizza is kinda catching up with her belly. yea, totally." um, what, tim? right, exactly. i look like i have the freshman 15 right in my abdomen. my abdomen that is your new niece or nephew.

silliness is fun. 

on a more slim note, a less pregnant note, the bride was stunning! stunning! and the groom looked pretty handsome too. they both were just radiating with happiness! i love that! i love love! i love love the weekend of valentines day! they are both young and have their whole future ahead of them, you couldn't look at them and not be happy. their wedding was fresh and fun and made me think of my own wedding. i wish i remembered more of it, but i had this bottom-less glass of wine that night that has prevented me from doing so. i do recall feeling on top of the world, like i had won the best prize, like the future was so bright, i had to wear champagne goggles! it really is the happiest day of your life when you know you are going to spend forever with your best friend.

they recited their vows and all i could think about was the ups and downs of being married. sickness and health. richer or poorer. no children or three. without morning sickness or with. traveling husband or home-this-week husband. refreshed or exhausted. the minister then followed up with this being an era of selfishness and that if you always strive to make your spouse happy, you will have a happy marriage. how true is that? when you stop thinking directly of your own needs, your own wants and focus on making the other persons life easy and happy, things really come together.

i was reminded of this tonight when i got home and randy had done all of the laundry for me and even put it away! he cleaned the carpet downstairs, put the dishes away, cleaned up the kitchen, took care of both children and straightened up the playroom. im not so naive to think that he did any of this because he wanted to, but simply to make my life easier. that is what makes him such a great guy & part of why our marriage works so well. he did it because he loves me and that's got everything to do with it.

1 corinthians 13

if i speak in the tongues of men or of angel, but do not have love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. if i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, i am nothing. if i give all i possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that i may boast, but do not have love, i gain nothing. 

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

love never fails. but where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. for we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes what is in part disappears. when i was a child, i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i reasoned like a child. when i became a man, i put the ways of the childhood behind me. for now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known. 

and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is LOVE. 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

all-day sickness

i sat down to blog about the week and googled "funny morning sickness quotes." then i got to thinking, there really is NOTHING funny about morning sickness and it turns out that NO ONE else thinks its funny because my search turned up very little. the funniest thing i found was "if men got pregnant, morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem." no. . . kidding. . .

when they say motherhood isn't for the faint at heart, they ain't kidding, folks. its tough before you even really have to feed or handle the baby.

this week has been particularly rough and i am totally puzzled by that. i am entering week 14, which for most people means the trouble is passing. i feel like i am in the throws of it, right now. i must warn you now, if you aren't interested in reading about me bitching about pregnancy, you should stop reading and maybe resume in late august. the subjects then will mostly involve me bitching about lack of sleep and wondering where in the hell my nanny is? this is MY soapbox to leave behind to my children.

morning sickness is nothing new to me- it was nearly unbearable while pregnant with jack and i landed myself in the hospital on a few occasions. dehydration and malnourishment became my common bed fellows. (as well as hot dogs and dunkin donuts)  it was much easier to be miserable back then. i quit my job and went to the drs office for weekly iv fluids. i had no one else to worry about but me and the baby. with vivian i was equally as sick, but in a different way. i made sure to rest when jack did and we hid out a lot. one time i got out of the shower, jack had clearly pooped his pants while i was in there. the thought of having to change that diaper sent me into a tail spin, but there was no one else to do it, so i rallied. i tied a towel around my face and held my breath. sadly, i didn't make it through without puking on him, the door and the floor. there i am standing with one hand on a naked baby covered in vomit and poo, the other hand covering my trembling face. this is when the dog came in and decided to help with "clean up." at that point, i threw jack in the bathtub, called randy for reinforcement and curled in a ball on the bathroom floor and cried. what else do you do when you can't take care of yourself or anyone else, for that matter? oh the misery!

this time around the nausea is all day, coming and going in waves. gum is generally a good thing to have around, it helps get me through. this time i have gotten so tired of chewing gum i have turned to candy. i have an entire candy store in my purse at all times. by the end of the day i feel like i have little sugar sweaters on my teeth. it is so gross. i'm implementing a new routine of vitamin b6 three times a day and unisom in the evenings. an "enlightened" friends just sold me on this and at this point, i am willing to try anything.

even jack, in his 3 year old state of mind, is catching on to the "illness." this morning he was coughing and i asked him if he was getting sick and he replied with "oh yes, mommy, i am. the baby hopped in MY tummy last night." wouldn't that be grand if the first little bugger that made me sick could share the burden of the third little bugger? additionally this week, jack said to me, "mommy, you have to turn this tv off, i am watching WAY too many cartoons." okay, so tv is usually limited around here but these are desperate days. i can sing almost all the monologues to almost every cartoon on nick and sprout. sadly, so can my 3 year old and 16 month old.

on a separate but related female issue in this house hold, miss vivian is either growing or having a wicked bout of PMS. she is a ravenous bottomless pit who is tired, emotional and brought to tears often. her outbursts are frequent, loud and very dramatic. one minute she is fine the next minute she is in a slobbering mess on the floor. she shakes her hand at me and jack and yells "no, no, no" for no apparent reason. i hope this stage passes soon but i have a feeling i might be in it for the long haul with my little drama queen.

oh yes, i do believe she is going to give me fits. during those times, i am going to think about how sweet and peaceful she can be. . . when she is sleeping. 

the unisom is kicking in and this sleepy momma is going to hit the hay. its a race to see how many hours i can get in before my bladder wakes me up to go to the bathroom. until tomorrow, kids, i love you even if i do have to go through all of this to get you here. just remember all the pain and suffering when you are picking out my nursing home. 

Sunday, February 6, 2011

you say its your birthday

you will probably gather this over the course of several years of living with me, but the beatles are one of my all time favorite bands. i mean, seriously, they have a song that will go with every mood, every scenario, down every path life will lead you on. some of them are sad, some of them are rebellious, some were really drugged out and confusing, but most of them are happy. this is one of my favorites:

"you say its your birthday
its my birthday too- yeah
they say its your birthday
we're gonna have a good time
im glad it's your birthday
happy birthday to you."

the beatles, "you say its your birthday" from the white album

what particularly is great about this song, is that it will always make me think of the greatest scene from the movie 16 candles. if you haven't seen it yet, i am ashamed to call you my children, go out and watch it asap. what else is amazing about this song right now, is that we are wrapping up my birthday weekend and i  had a good time.

despite my sunny florida trip getting canceled i managed to squeeze in some fun over the weekend. it started with a pedicure and massage on friday afternoon, which is always an excellent way to begin a weekend. friday night i finally was able to kill the steak i missed out on at the cattle baron's ball with a trip to the capital grille. we had dinner with the tewells, which is also a good time. what is even better than having a nice dinner at the capital grille is running into some friends from st joe, who very graciously bought our tables dinner in honor of my birthday! i mean, how amazingly cool is that? so kind and so special! i was so surprised and happy i almost forgot everyone at my table was drinking and that i would have to drive them home!

saturday was my actual birthday and daddy brought me donuts! always a win! we went to jack's basketball game and although he has ZERO interest in actually playing basketball, its so fun watch. jack never runs down the court with any sense of basketball knowledge, but lolly-gags, walks, or, my personal favorite, does the robot dance all the way down to the other basket. there is no hustle, but its freaking awesome. this week, you even convinced your best friend, porter, to robot with you.

we had lunch at barbosa's which just seems like the natural thing to do when you have grown up in st joseph. to everyone else, its kinda gross, and not really mexican food but we celebrate our birthdays with pride and cinnamon chips around here.  next was a three hour nap and i was awoken by freezing rain hitting the window. i honestly can't think of a birthday that hasn't produced some sort of "wintery mix." its just par for the course when you have an early february birthday. i recall at least two childhood parties being canceled because of it.

here is the other thing i really love about the above song- when they say "its my birthday too- yeah!" there is a sense of enthusiasm and you really, truly believe that they are happy its your birthday. people may give social networking grief, but over the course of 24 hours spanning my birthday, i received over 200 birthday wishes. that is pretty amazing. naturally, its not like these people really remembered it was my birthday, facebook gently reminded them, but they took the two minutes to help make my day special. that is freaking awesome. it really, really is.

the other thing about that song and its enthusiasm, is, that, not many people really are that excited for your birthday. i am lucky enough to have ONE person who is a champion for birthdays though. my good friend, sara stein, loves birthdays. she really loves birthdays! how could yout not love someone who loves birthdays? how internally happy and just good is she? (i might add, she has a super sweet tooth, so this might intensify her "sweet" love for birthdays and cake!) she organized a very special birthday brunch with my girlfriends this morning for me. it was so nice that my friends were willing to get up on a cold, snowy sunday morning and come eat quiche with me! how girly is that on super bowl sunday? the food was awesome, but the company was even better.

i was sitting at the brunch and i paused to actually count my blessing. on this particular morning, i had 14 of them to be thankful for. looking around this room i had new friends, really old friends and some that fell in between. there were mothers of my children's friends, my two life guiders- my yoda and my life fairy, my sister and honorary sister in law, my crazy friends, my spiritual guider that is always all ears, my musical other half, my best pals, my boyfriend and even my mother. its a bit overwhelming to think about rolling through life and collecting these characters along the way. my mom often says the thing she misses the most about living in st joseph is her really good girlfriends. i can't imagine my life without one of these girls. 

speaking directly to you vivian, woman to woman, your husband will always or should always be your very best friend, but never, never underestimate the power of your friendships with women. they are the ones who will understand what its like to walk a mile in your moccasins. you can complain about your spouse to them, and they won't hold it against him. they get how exhausted you are from being up all night with a newborn or sick child- and they will bring you coffee, food and empathy. your true girlfriends will be your best cheerleaders! they will love you when you life is good and help pick you up when its not. they understand that for your 34th birthday all you really wanted was some botox in that huge crease in your forehead and a big, fat martini but you are equally as thrilled with the little miracle your sacrificing your vanity for. and the very best thing of all, is that they will help you celebrate your birthday, even if it is a party on a cold, wintery sunday morning. 

i would like to note, the "irregular" gifts i received this birthday. most of my friends said they were at a loss since alcohol is their usual go-to birthday gift for me. i have gotten lots of starbucks and caribou coffee gift cards, spa gift cards and items related to eating. this makes a pregnant girl pretty damn happy. i would also like to add, that my mother has taken to wrapping things from my childhood and regifting them to me. this year, i added to the list a quilt that was hers and lay on my bed many years, the original earrings i got my ears pierced with and a package of my baby teeth? i can't help but giggle about all of this! if she starts wrapping cat food filled jello molds, i will start to worry. 

daddy has finally figured out that jewelry is always an appropriate gift. always. this year he got me a stunning amethyst necklace that is about 150 years old. its my birthstone and its difficult to find one that is equally large and brilliant. he hit a home run. 

and that almost concludes my birthday extravaganza, with the exception of birthday/wedding cake cupcakes that will be awaiting me at work on tuesday. it was almost worth going back to work just to get cupcakes on your birthday! grandma wrapped up her ten day stay and headed back to kirksville with a sore back and a cold. poor old lady grandma. it was nice to have her here and we are all going to miss her. 

it was my birthday, and i had a good time. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

danny isn't here, mrs. torrence.

its been snowing here lately. i mean, really snowing. a lot. and its been a disappointing week, starting with the loss of my beloved sweater last wednesday and ending with my floridian sunshine trip getting canceled today.

i am finding myself quite numb to the outside world as of late, like i'm living in a perpetual groundhog's day. coincidentally, today IS in fact, ground hogs day and that little bastard did NOT see his shadow which supposedly means we will be having spring soon. (that is after the six weeks its going to take for all of the snow to melt!) i wake up every morning with the same menacing nausea that has been plaguing me the last six weeks. jack has been asking me why i keep "choking on bugs?" when i gag and he wonders why that baby is making me so sick all of the time? me too. . .

we eat breakfast and i sit. i sit so i don't throw up. we have conceded to just wearing pjs all day long- its not like we are going any where in the snow, in the sub-zero temperatures with me vomiting and gagging all of the time. plus, its a lot less laundry. we wait for the highlight of the day when daddy comes home for lunch. everyone is happy to see him, like he is a visitor from some other planet. the planet of the people who exist outside this house.

i am afraid even grandma has fallen into our wintering/pregnant trap, at the very least i think vivian has shared her runny nose with mamaw. grandma's version of the rodent wheel includes apple tv/netflix by night and lounge suits by day. even my mother, who is notorious for running around and shopping, did not want to leave the house tonight. things are bad, people.

its been cold and grey and vivian seems to be having her days and nights mixed up. we were up last night from the hours of 2-4 am before she finally retreated with a whimper and fell back asleep. this is, of course, after puking an entire cup of orange juice and tylenol all over me and pink bunny. why does that kinda stuff always happen in the still of the night? we awoke to big heart shaped helium balloons on their chairs and suddenly the drama of the night disappeared. randy said my mom's suitcase is like a "clown car" as she is constantly pulling tricks and treats out of what seems to be thin air.

i'm happy she is here, i think she might be what is keeping us all from turning to the other side;  her and that magic bag of tricks and happiness.  on these dark days of winter, its hard not to relate to the movie the shining. its so easy to see how ol' jack torrence started to lose his mind. at first the calm, serenity that comes with winter's tranquil snow is welcome. it allows you to slow down and spend some stolen moments at home with family. the longer it goes, the longer you are without human contact, brain stimulation and fresh air, you do start to check out. i am afraid if this goes much longer, its only a matter of time before it turns us all mad. if i weren't so pregnant, i think i would be drinking, a lot, by now. you know, because depressants usually are most helpful for the depressed.

say a little prayer for us that we make it out alive, that there will be no "redrum" chants and that maybe we will start wearing real clothes again.

"ridin' the storm out
waitin' for the thaw out
on a full moon night
in the rocky mountain winter
my wine bottle's low
watching for the snow
thinking 'bout
what i'm missing in the city."

r.e.o. speedwagon

(yes, that really just happened. i just busted out a reo speedwagon song. its a desperate time around here.)