run, run as fast as you can

i had a grandmother that was a really good cook and i had a grandmother that was a lot of fun. my mother has proven to be both.

tonight's grandma project was homemade gingerbread men! jack decorated most of them himself. we ended up with a muno from yo gabba gabba, a ghost, a vampire, donald trump, an old lady grandma and executive man, mr. ramsey.

made special just for you, 

may this gingerbread man

bring happiness to you. 

a little sugar, a lot of spice, 

a woman shaped him. . . oh so nice,

he's made of dough, and golden tan,

the closest thing to a perfect man. 

every party has a pooper

ever heard that little song?

"every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you
party pooper, party pooper!"

yea, well, i was the party pooper last night. boo.

after spending an entire year working on the heartland foundation's cattle barons ball, i had to leave the party early. i mean, really, really early. i have a had a bazillion meetings over the last year and painstakingly planned and plotted for this party. i had all of the items in my head i was going to bid on for the silent auction and i was so excited to see how much the party that aunt julie and i donated went for! but things did not go as planned.

i would like kristi kinder to note, that while i tried very hard to move locations, there is, still, in fact, a high chair in this picture. 

damn it.

i had my cowboy boots from penny park on, complete with my empire waist dress. i even went for some grand ol' opry kinda hair. i was excited to see my friends and watch the fruits of our labor unfold. but something just wasn't quite right. i had a pounding headache all day and was really nauseated. i just couldn't shake it. as i was sitting there at 8 pm waiting for dinner to arrive, i started to feel like i was on a deep sea fishing boat crashing harder and harder into some sea sick hell.

and then. . .

the nasty cigarette and cigar smoke came wafting into our dining area and i thought at that very moment i was probably going to puke right there at the table in front of everyone. it was a moment of shear panic and complete terror. i jumped up, motioned for randy and bee lined for the front door. i said goodbye to no one, barely even your father as he passed me off to the vehicle. yuck.

imagine grandma's surprise when i came bolting in the backdoor a mere hour and a half after i left! i picked at grandmas scrambled eggs while all of my friends were enjoying steak and potatoes and this amazing looking cheesecake. mom said i was "a pale shade of green and kinda scary looking" upon my arrival. i was in bed by 9:30, before even jack was asleep.

i mean, COME ON!??!?!?! what a huge disappointment. just another little glaring testament of how life does not always go as planned. if anyone loves a party, its me. even in my pregnant state i can usually rally because, while not always the life of the party, i certainly feel more alive at a party. the company of my friends, the musings of the evening and the break from reality are always welcome in my world.

*big, heavy sigh*


on a positive note, our party sold for $350 dollars and was purchased by someone i really love, so it will be a joy to put it on when the time comes. AND, your father had the smarts to continue circling my prey at the silent auction and brought this little beauty, cuff bracelet home to momma!

(a side note to my disappointment this week, i ruined my favorite sweater on wednesday and i am still mourning its loss.)

and now, i feel obligated to rally in this blog posting, because one of my friends told me last night she enjoys my blog because it has "substance and hope." i am going to try to wrap up with a positive spin on all this disappointment, but i am going to do it in a country kinda way. 

dolly parton has been quoted saying, 

"the way i see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

so, i am putting up with the nausea, the constant gagging, the exhaustion. i am missing the party and eating cold scrambled eggs. i am going to bed at 9:30 because my little rainbow will be here in august and all of this week's disappointment will be nothing but a faint memory. 

super grandma to the rescue

tomorrow is the day!

the day that grandma comes to save us!

thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's been a rough few weeks with the nausea and over abundance of snow and my children have grown restless and bored. not to mention the shape their mother is in. tomorrow my mommy is coming to save me. she is coming to spend the next two weeks with us and it couldn't happen a moment sooner. if she were here this very evening, i would be so thrilled. 

here's the beautiful thing about my mother- despite being slightly crazy, as all mothers are- she is super easy. my mom is very go with the flow. she will arrive tomorrow with a slew of food and baked goods, fun new trinkets for the kids, and a new attitude of hope will come with her. its going to be like a breath of fresh air walking into this house. i have an obgyn appointment in kansas city tomorrow and i am most certain by the time i get back, she will have straightened my house, done some laundry, played with my children and maybe even gotten some emailing done. i will come home and feel at ease, because my mom is here and everything is going to be alright. 

mom remembers what it was like to be in trenches with little kids. although my brother and i are nearly five years apart and i was slightly more independent than jack is at this age, we have a mirrored situation with the traveling husband. randy's trips are sporadic and never too terribly lengthy, but when i was small and tim was just a baby, my dad left on sunday nights to drive five hours away for work, and didn't return until friday evening. can you even imagine? how lonely? no internet? no free long distance? no facebook? ugh. 

i don't recall my mother ever "losing" it or not seeming like she had control of the situation. its funny how life is like that and you can adapt to a situation. however, i know it was a lonely, difficult time for her and i think, she remembers that too. neither of my grandmother's was particularly helpful, so perhaps that is why she goes out of her way to help me when she can. 

jack has been asking all week if this is the day grandma is coming? vivian and i have been putting grandmas room back together and she's been looking for her "mamaw." i secretly have been counting down the days and hours myself, just waiting until she gets here. its been so cold, dark and dismal lately i am anxious for my mom to bring some sunshine into this house. 

i am so excited i just might cry with relief when she gets here. tomorrow is the day my world gets much brighter. 

"ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier

ooh-oo child, things'll get brighter

ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier

ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter

some day, yeah

we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

some day

when your head is much lighter

some day, yeah

we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun

some day

when the world is much brighter."

the five stairsteps

mike wizowski

mike wizowski: (chanting) i don't know, but it's been said, i love scaring kids in bed!


jack watched monsters inc. last night and concluded that his "door" was in fact, a "door" and there might be a monster coming out to scare him after he went to sleep. luckily for him, daddy conceded and slept on the couch so you could sleep with me. its a nasty habit to let you sleep in my bed, but i have to confess its one of my guilty pleasure to watch you fall asleep.

your breath gets a little slower, a little heavier. your gaze starts to shift into a blank stare at the ceiling. i can look right into your face and you don't even see me. you practically stare through me as the sandman dusts his magic onto your heavy eyelids. its almost as if that thick, beautiful fringe we call your eyelashes becomes to much for your little eyes to bare and they start to flutter. and then finally, all the worries of the day, all the "no's," all the train building and monster truck racing have caught up with you, and your lids slowly close. you look like an angel and i start to think of how much you are a child of God.

and then you start snoring.

which makes you a little less angelic and a little more boy to me! it makes me laugh and love you so much all at the same time.

i know the day will come all too soon, when you aren't afraid of things that i can comfort, so for now, i am happy daddy let's us live in this little bubble of bliss.

it started snowing at 10 pm last night as we were getting ready for bed and didn't stop until about 10 am this morning! one of the three times i got up last night to go to the bathroom (thanks pregnancy bladder) it almost looked like a complete white out. it was so beautiful and peaceful. 

jack asked first thing this morning if he could get on his snow pants and go shovel the sidewalk. that's what i'm talking about! i made you eat breakfast first, though. you needed your strength, we got nearly 8 inches last night. daddy likes to complain about the snow, but secretly, i know its one of his favorite things to play in. after all, he asked for expensive muck boots so he could keep his feet warm while shoveling the drive. he can spend HOURS out there. he is the same way with a water hose in the summer. i think he finds it peaceful- probably because he is away from us and all the chaos. maybe i ought to think about shoveling. . .

you had a ball out there, for about 20 minutes! then your cheeks were so cold it was time to come in. and vivian, poor vivian. too cold for babies and she sadly, has no snow clothes so she got to sit inside and watch you. she kept screaming for you and going to the door and yelling "side! side! side!" its looking like we have snow until august if this keeps up so i am going to try to find her something to wear out this week. i am feeling bad about her little pouty face she makes after looking at you all through the window. 

the witching hour

its nearing on 9 pm and i am beat.

i got to thinking in the bathtub how 9 pm is really such the witching hour for me. in my non-pregnant state, its usually the time i get my second wind and start obscure things like laundry, dishes and hot glue projects. and for the better part of a decade (my twenties) it was that time of night where i was ready to go out on the town! now, its the time i hit the bathtub and am ready for bed. its a good time for reflecting on my day and preparing for tomorrow.

today i went to a bridal shower for whitney hawkins-soon-to-be-coats. she is your babysitter and you both love her. she has watched you since jack was about 6 months old. she even says she isn't going to bail on us after the surprise guest arrives and she is all married off. (we will see about that!) it was a really nice shower and warmed my heart to think about a new couple ready to start their lives together. what an exciting time!

after that, i blew you all off for some retail therapy. it was much needed, i might add. i had a hell of a time finding something to wear to the upcoming cattle baron's ball next week. i have some kick ass cowboy boots sent to me on loaner from penny park and had visions of grandeur of how i would look before my waist line started become so much. . . well, grandeur. your sibling to be currently looks like a beer belly. not cute.

so before i go to bed, here are is a list of things i know are true for today:

1. empire waist dresses will always make you look pregnant, even if you aren't pregnant. but if you ARE pregnant, they are pretty handy in the "i will take it because it fits" department.

2. when nothing else fits, buy yourself a pair of shoes. you can always find those in your size. (fun jewelry will work here too) (or buy yourself both, just don't tell daddy!)

3. if given the opportunity, attend all wedding and baby showers. its not only your duty, but your honor, because some day, you will hope that people will return the favor. besides, they make you feel good and renew your faith in life, love and happiness.

4. cigarette smoke mixed with body oil mixed with too much perfume is horrifically disgusting. its one of those scents that makes my nausea go through the roof. i nearly puked on a lady today when i was shopping and frankly, she had it coming. sick.

5. on the nausea note, aveda makes a tea that contains peppermint, licorice, fennel and basil. how any one came up to dry those ingredients and put them in a bag, then place said bag in hot water and drink it, i will never know. however, i am finding that it eases the nausea a bit and that i really LIKE.

6. there are few things in life that a long soak in a hot bathtub and a good nights sleep won't cure- however- morning sickness is not one of them. i repeat, it IS NOT one of them.

7. unexpected phone calls from old friends are always a giggly delight.

8. your daddy is one of the sweetest guys EVER. i honestly can't say that a day goes by that your dad doesn't do something nice for me. frequently, he gets up early to go get us breakfast because he knows i like pastry in the morning, jack likes the cinnamon crunch bagel and vivian can tear up an egg souffle. he always tries to make me feel better, despite the impossibility of that quest right now. he is a really, really good guy. remember that when you are mad at him and i will try to do the same. *wink* jack i hope you grow up to be just like him and vivian i pray that you marry someone just like him.

9. it snows a lot in the winter in missouri. i bought jack a snow shovel this week- i figured if you are going to be out there, you might as well make yourself useful. on that useful note, remind me to teach you how to make a strong martini in about 6 months.

i hope you mow better than shovel.

10. toddlers are much cuter dancers than college students.

11. your grandparents are impossible to surprise.

12. i am spent and that's a wrap. 

"so true funny how it seems

always in time, but never in line for dreams. 

head over heels when toe to toe. 

this is the sound of my soul,

this is the sound. 

i bought a ticket to the world, but now i've come back again.

why do i find it hard to write the next line? 

oh i want the truth to be said.

(this is the best part!)

huh huh huh hu-uh huh

i know this much is true.  

huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

i know this much is true."

spandau ballet

what's grosser than gross?

i will tell you.

its waking up at 12:30 pm so nauseated i can't decide to get up and puke or go eat something. the thought of getting out of my nice toasty warm bed, increases the nausea. however, knowing that i am not going to go back to sleep until i feed the monster; i decide to get up. i come downstairs and think, oooh, you know what sounds so good? a hard boiled egg. and a bloody mary (virgin of course.) and a carmel delight cookie.

its the perfect midnight snack. i have covered salty, savory, spicy and sweet all in one disgusting sitting.

i think i will go throw up now. . .

a groovy kinda love

it dawned on me this afternoon, that there is a possibility that you might think you were raised in the 70's. turns out, being a product of that era and having children now, a sense of nostalgia always floats around in my mind. during lunch we watched an episode of "h.r. puff n stuff" and we always listen to "billy joel" radio on pandora. it pipes out some of the best music ever. so far on the playlist as i have sat here trying to type this out, we have heard journey, chicago, elton john, the beatles and of course, billy himself. jack has become a big fan of "allentown" by billy joel- with the steamy train whistle at the beginning and huffing a puffing of the train throughout. (see, i am no dummy, i know how to trick you into good music! i had you at train!) these are of course, some of the best songs out there, written by some of the best artists of all time. when music was really music- written and performed by the same person! no electronics or voice overs- just the real deal and that's what makes them classics. learn them, know them and you can sing them forever. i promise you nothing makes you feel better than belting out an elton john song, especially tiny dancer.

in addition to our musical escapades, you both are busy playing with the original, or ODB, fisher price little people toys. we have the school house, the bus and the airplane. old lady grandma has my old barn, sesame street and uncle tim's car garage, but she's holding them hostage at her house. they bring back so many fun memories for me and i am glad someone was willing to throw them in a garage sale for us to find. toys should be played with, not stored in an attic or box some place. (remind me of that when i am old and holding on to YOUR toys!)

it's a cold snowy january day, we are expected to get up to 8 inches this evening. yuck. your dad and i have winter birthdays and its just the worst. be thankful we planned to have you in october! its the best month! although all the cupcakes we consumed this year between vivian and jack's birthdays and halloween, were a little obscene. your both contently destroying the house (playing) and do occasional drive bys to the ice machine. vivian screams "ICE! ICE!" and helps herself to a few pieces.

she has also began speaking some native south african language involving syllables, clicks and clacks. for instance, orange is spoken as "oran *click*" we all die with hysteria when she does this. while i know i should correct her, for this week, its just too damn funny so i will allow it. we have been singing the banana splits song- the "tra la la, la la la la" song- another character comedy from the early 70's. its equally as creepy as puff n stuff, but the song is catchy.

my all day morning sickness is at its all time height as we head into week 11. you both are amused with my constant gagging- vivian, in her new native tongue, mocks me with gagging sounds and coughing. its lovely. jack wants me to go to the doctor, so he can get a band-aid and a sucker. the compassion is over flowing between the two of you. its hard to believe in 7 months there will be three of you.

the upside is, i have 6 more months to prepare. 6 more months to find more creepy cartoons from back in the day. 6 more months to hug and kiss on TWO children.

vivian has located a binkie and has pink bunnies ears rubbing her nose; that is a sure sign she is ready for a long winters nap. so am i.

"teach, your children well
their father's hell
did slowly go by
and feed them on your dreams
the one they pick's 
the one you'll know by.
don't you ever ask them why
if they told you, you would die
so just look at them and sigh
and know they love you." 


crosby, stills, nash & young; 1970

hot mike

check. check.

one. two.

got a hot mike here. . .

welcome to my maiden voyage of blogging. i'm 100% clueless about this but there are clearly stupider people out there who are doing it.

here's the deal; while this blog is for me, daily musings about life here at 3028, my intent is to print this off into book form at the end of every year and give them to my children. i am not so good with the baby book thing and i always want to keep a journal, but never do. so i thought this would be a nice option (if i can figure it out!) for them to have a rear view mirror into their lives. not to mention, i am hoping that when the day comes and i am not-so-cool they will look back on this and think, "wow, mom wasn't so bad after all." "or mom shouldn't have stayed up so late." or "this totally verifies why we should put her in a home, just look at our childhood!"

nonetheless, its just a little glimpse of our life. i thought "roth's child" was appropriate, since life, these days is all about them. currently, there are two children, jack and vivian, with a third "surprise guest" coming in august this year.

jack is very much three and very much a little boy. some how i gave birth to a gear head, who request i read him fiction stories about how a monster truck is built. we spend the day racing cars, building trains and terrorizing our younger sister. he's the apple of my eye and quite charming. he says "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" and minds his manners. (most of the time)

vivian is a whopping 15 months old and is much like the tazmanian devil.

she. is. crazy.

i spend most of my day either looking for her, cleaning up her messes or pulling her off of the stairs, top of the coffee table or the toilet. she's a real pistol. i think she will make a perfect middle child because nothing about her is quiet- she will always be seen AND heard. she is the funniest little thing and she makes me laugh all day long. its a good thing, because otherwise, i might lock her in a cage. . .

and number three, is our HUGE surprise. having done fertility treatments to obtain thing one and thing two, imagine our shock the week of christmas to learn i was pregnant! apparently you buy two, get one free. now that the shock has worn off, and the panic has set in, i am retreating into happiness. its going to be a chaotic but fun ride.

so here i am! blogging on! because, to quote the brilliant ferris bueller,

"life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. "

until the next time i remember to do this. . .