Tuesday, May 10, 2011

to make you feel my love

hey. its me.

your mom. the one who had the best of intentions of posting on a regular basis so you could look back fondly on all the fun things we did in your childhood.

its just, that, well, i am really effing tired lately.

as you well know i am a night owl and usually do my best thinking in the darkness. its just now, those dark hours are spent in bed. usually with my eyes closed.

chasing the two of you around all day and growing your sibling is proving to be quite taxing on my body. my hips feel like they are broken by dinner time, i seriously, need a walker. most nights i am not even remotely interested in things i have dvr'd and you can't even imagine how neglected your poor father is! but here i am, forfeiting a nap this afternoon so i can bring you up to speed on life.

its may now and since my last post, easter has come and gone, prince william got married, osama bin laden is dead, jack's had strep throat, the weather has totally skipped spring and gone straight to 95, we've been to kirksville for the grand opening of grandpa's office, your dad did NOT kill a turkey again this season, you gave me chanel sunglasses for mother's day and i have gained exactly 6 lbs, most of which i am certain have come from my nightly ice cream runs. i feel like if i can't have cocktails, by God, i am going to eat ice cream. a lot of it.

those are all of the really big highlights of the last month but there have been some quieter things happening too. you both have had your half birthdays and i am happy to report you have grown leaps and bounds since turning 1 and 3. jack is now 41 3/4 inches and 34 pounds. vivian is a scrappy 32 inches and 22 pounds. according to iBaby (yes, there's an ap for that!) your sibling is 26 weeks old, 14 inches long and weighs about 1lb 14oz- and is always having a tap dancing party on my ribs. (oh what a feeling! we're dancing on the ceiling!) i won't even tell you how much weight i have gained since MY birthday. *sigh*

vivian is starting to talk in sentences, repeating everything and finds great joy in saying "bless you" when anyone sneezes. it is allergy season around here after all, so its happening frequently. her hair is long enough to put in pig tails and she's had two real hair cuts now. she has developed quite a sweet tooth lately and will do just about anything for candy. i bartered with her the other day, poop in the potty would get her some candy. she produced poop, on the living room floor and still thought that warranted a treat! she has got some negotiating skills and i think we are a long way off from not buying diapers.

jack is all in on holidays now, he's a chip off the old lady grandma block. she likes holidays, gives her something to look forward to and decorate for and he is fully on her bandwagon. his vocabulary is blowing up and you're even counting in spanish now. he's a total sack rat like his mother, stays up late and sleeps in, most mornings i have to wake you up around 9. i love that about you. he thought princess catherine was "so pretty" and i couldn't agree more. you loved hunting for easter eggs and killed it at moila's egg hunt this year. you found the egg with the big prize and picked an 8 pack of bubbles so you could share them with your friends. you're having a bit of a hard time with listening and talking back lately, i only anticipate that to get much worse over the years.

your dad will probably kill me for publishing this in my public blog, but it was so funny! last week your dad was on a tangent about something and thought you were out of ear shot. he said "that is just so f**king stupid!" and jack chimed in "uh, daddy. . ." and we both knew what was coming! and then you said "daddy, we don't say STUPID in this house!" whew. by the skin of your teeth, rothy. by the skin of your teeth you didn't get busted. it was hilarious.

jack and i have been listening to adele lately and she does an incredible version of "to make you feel my love." its a song originally written by bob dylan but everything he does is basically inaudible in my opinion. her version is so wrenching and tender, i just love it. although i know its a romantic love song, i can't help but think of the two of you when i hear it. the lyrics resonate so much with me and how i feel about the two of you. i thought about it a lot this mother's day, how i really would do anything for you. i'm so lucky that the two of you came along considering the amount of work and waiting it took for you to arrive. it blows my mind to think God is sending me another one of you to love and how blessed i am to get to be a mom to someone else. i really can't wait to meet you! i am so grateful for jack for making me a mom, so grateful for vivian for making me a better mom and the surprise guest i will be so thankful for the plastic surgery i will need after you!

well, until your dad gets me that housekeeper i want, i am still the guy who does the laundry around here so i better get after it. i am going to really, super try to post more often. super try. until next time. . .

"When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adele/make_you_feel_my_love.html ]
I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love"

Bob Dylan


  1. I couldn't agree more...I downloaded that song on Mother's Day to accompany the Adele cd my husband got me...listening to the song made me think of my beautiful daughter. This one brought me to tears.

  2. ah, the bliss of reading one of your posts. They almost all get me teary-eyed.

  3. Well worth the wait, Carra!!! Love this song as well and first heard it while watching a movie...only Garth Brooks sang it. I will have to look into the Adele version. Glad you're back, if even briefly. xo

  4. I love your story about Randy... My brother tends to do the exact same thing and Kinley always busts him on the "stupid" part. She says, "daddy that's an ugly word and we don't say stupid in this house". So much for not saying it :)

  5. Yes. As always we do agree on most music. I LOVE Adele to the point of driving everyone around me crazy playing it over and over. That song says it all. Keep writing, Carra. It is wonderful.