Friday, August 5, 2011

isn't she lovely

"Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love"

Stevie Wonder, Isn't She Lovely

in the 24 hours leading up to butterscotch's birthday, jack was vomiting with a 103 degree fever, i had blood work drawn, a fender bender in the parking lot at the hospital and buried my grandmother. i never anticipated being able to sleep the night leading up to "the" day but i was so exhausted from the mayhem, i crashed immediately after packing my bag. i woke up nearly every hour on the hour and finally at 4:06 am i got in the shower. i was nervous and excited.

we got to the hospital around 6 in the morning and they wasted no time getting things going. randy and i were thrilled to discover the nurse that would be taking care of us for the day, was our favorite nurse that had taken care of us during jack and vivian's birthday! i knew our luck was changing. . . and then she tried to start my iv. ugh. she blew veins in the tops of each hand and i was very near passing out. ugh again. another nurse came in and drew additional labs they had forgotten to take the previous day and finally got my iv started. dr nichols came in and went over the surgery one last time and told me that they had plenty of my blood type on hand in the event of an emergency and she wanted me to be aware that in a worse case scenario that they couldn't stop the bleeding, she would have to remove my uterus! WTH!? talk about changing the game and upping my nerves! whoa!

i shuffled into the operating room alone while randy waited behind. it was cold, sterile, bright and so clinical. . . everything an operating room should be and everything a birthing experience should not be. they started my spinal block, draped me and brought randy in. the party had officially begun. in a matter of mere moments, the baby was out. dr nichols held it up to show randy so he could be the one to announce the sex! he stumbled with his words and finally said "its a girl?"


i couldn't believe it. could not believe it. although i would have loved a boy just as much, it really was my heart's desire to have a baby girl. in all my previous thoughts about this baby, my only premonition was that it would have dark hair like jack and there she was in all her glory, a perfect, little dark haired baby girl! i saw her briefly, the nurse nuzzled her to my nose and in an instant she and randy were gone. just like that. i laid there on the table, arms out stretched, monitors beeping, the sounds of "repair" going on beyond the blue curtain and i was alone. the anesthesiologist must have detected my anxiety because in that moment, he asked me if i would like a mild sedative. uh, yes, please! he injected my iv and i could gradually hear my heartbeat slow down on the monitor. i believe it took another 30-45 minutes for them to put me back together and wheel me to my room for recovery. it was at this point randy came in to inform me that our baby had been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit for respiratory issues. it was all so surreal to me. i had a baby, but i didn't have a baby. weird.

at 7:55 am, Eleanor Christine Roth came into the world and i didn't see her again until 3:00 that day. the goal for post-surgery was for me to get up some time the next day but there was no way in hell i was not getting out of that bed and to the nicu to see my baby, to touch my baby. after the fog lifted and i had my pain under control, i struggled to get myself into a wheel chair to go and see her. she seemed so tiny, weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz, laying on a warming pad in only a diaper, underneath an oxygen bubble. i could only touch her legs and tiny feet as i watched her panting. she had an iv and was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and wires. it was a horrible and helpless feeling. every few hours though, she seemed to be doing better and it was a matter of waiting for the dr to come in and give her the clear to be able to come to our room. when we held her, she calmed down and her breathing slowed to a normal pace.

they kept her in the nicu the following day, but i was able to get up and go nurse her every three hours. talk about bittersweet- being in pain from surgery and tired but anxious to get up and be able to go and hold her. 48 hours after she came in to this world, the doctor finally released her to come to our room. thank God! i finally got to hold her, inspect her and really get to know her. we actually enjoyed the next few days in the hospital, even opting to stay an extra day. it was quiet and peaceful, with very few visitors. just us and our new baby girl.

eleanor is the sweetest baby, so snugly, so calm, so laid back. everything a third baby should be! and has to be! i intend to hold her too much, kiss her too often and make too big a fuss over her. she is everything we never knew we wanted and then some. i laugh now thinking about randy and i talking last fall about revisiting the idea of another baby at the end of the summer- and now here it is, the end of summer and she is already here. we have a three and a half year old, a 22 month old and a new baby. we are complete and happy, in a state of bliss that only comes from having children. i'm happier than i ever could have imagined and its because of the four other people that make us a family! how lucky are we?

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