its been snowing here lately. i mean, really snowing. a lot. and its been a disappointing week, starting with the loss of my beloved sweater last wednesday and ending with my floridian sunshine trip getting canceled today.
i am finding myself quite numb to the outside world as of late, like i'm living in a perpetual groundhog's day. coincidentally, today IS in fact, ground hogs day and that little bastard did NOT see his shadow which supposedly means we will be having spring soon. (that is after the six weeks its going to take for all of the snow to melt!) i wake up every morning with the same menacing nausea that has been plaguing me the last six weeks. jack has been asking me why i keep "choking on bugs?" when i gag and he wonders why that baby is making me so sick all of the time? me too. . .
we eat breakfast and i sit. i sit so i don't throw up. we have conceded to just wearing pjs all day long- its not like we are going any where in the snow, in the sub-zero temperatures with me vomiting and gagging all of the time. plus, its a lot less laundry. we wait for the highlight of the day when daddy comes home for lunch. everyone is happy to see him, like he is a visitor from some other planet. the planet of the people who exist outside this house.
i am afraid even grandma has fallen into our wintering/pregnant trap, at the very least i think vivian has shared her runny nose with mamaw. grandma's version of the rodent wheel includes apple tv/netflix by night and lounge suits by day. even my mother, who is notorious for running around and shopping, did not want to leave the house tonight. things are bad, people.
its been cold and grey and vivian seems to be having her days and nights mixed up. we were up last night from the hours of 2-4 am before she finally retreated with a whimper and fell back asleep. this is, of course, after puking an entire cup of orange juice and tylenol all over me and pink bunny. why does that kinda stuff always happen in the still of the night? we awoke to big heart shaped helium balloons on their chairs and suddenly the drama of the night disappeared. randy said my mom's suitcase is like a "clown car" as she is constantly pulling tricks and treats out of what seems to be thin air.
i'm happy she is here, i think she might be what is keeping us all from turning to the other side; her and that magic bag of tricks and happiness. on these dark days of winter, its hard not to relate to the movie the shining. its so easy to see how ol' jack torrence started to lose his mind. at first the calm, serenity that comes with winter's tranquil snow is welcome. it allows you to slow down and spend some stolen moments at home with family. the longer it goes, the longer you are without human contact, brain stimulation and fresh air, you do start to check out. i am afraid if this goes much longer, its only a matter of time before it turns us all mad. if i weren't so pregnant, i think i would be drinking, a lot, by now. you know, because depressants usually are most helpful for the depressed.
say a little prayer for us that we make it out alive, that there will be no "redrum" chants and that maybe we will start wearing real clothes again.
"ridin' the storm out
waitin' for the thaw out
on a full moon night
in the rocky mountain winter
my wine bottle's low
watching for the snow
what i'm missing in the city."