celebrate me home

i'm feeling melancholy today. i've found myself having moments of pure joy and extreme sadness. it's the last day of another remarkable year and my brain is racing with the moments, the memories. if every day were a song, today would be "celebrate me home" by kenny loggins. its no "footloose" but it's one of my personal favorites. its ringing in my head today, playing on a loop in the kitchen and has settled into a special place. it has me thinking about ann humphreys. her son jake, is a good friend of your father and i's, her husband, guy, works for hillyard and they are life long friends of the roths. ann was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of september and passed away last week, two days short of christmas.

ann was one of my favorites, she was the hostess with the mostess. her house was always picture perfect, her smile always warm, her door always open. when she said "come visit" she meant it. she threw one hell of a party and even hosted one for daddy and i when we got married. her funeral was huge, sad and a reminder of how fragile we all are. your dad and i were so bummed out, we went and drank beer and blew our christmas money at the casino afterwards. but just like the circle of life, that day passed, and then the next, and the next. . . and then came last night.

the humphreys family, along with their friends, threw a party at the country club in sweet ann's honor. it was exactly what she would have wanted. we all celebrated her home. there is a really beautiful thing about being a woman, and its the gift of empathy. a woman can instantly identify with an experience, a feeling, a thought of another human being. last night i felt the sadness of a son that no longer has a mother, a husband that lost a wife, people who lost their friend, the world that lost a light and it made my heart sad. but i also felt the joy of her past, the pride for having known her, the respect for the fight, the fun she brought to people's lives and the love that will never die.


"play me one more song, that i'll always remember, i can recall, whenever i find myself too all alone, i can make believe i've never gone, i never know where i belong, sing me home. please, celebrate me home." 

and we did.

she is home now and we will all continue to celebrate her. i will think of her every time i hear that song.

*heavy sigh*

its in these moments of darkness i am most thankful for your daddy and the three of you. despite the sorrow and sad feelings, you always manage to bring joy and lightness into my life. its an unseasonably warm december day, nearly 50. i went for a walk with thing one, thing two and neko dog and caught myself smiling the whole way. i love listening to you talk about your discoveries! today it was a "yucky dead squirrel" and that the murphy's house had a gated entry. we came back home and raced in the front yard, checked out all the dying foliage and drank in the warmth of the sun. before we came inside we kissed 2011 goodbye and hollered "see you next year!" i doubt you can really grasp that, but it was a nice release for me to shout into the sky! goodbye to this year of twists and turns! this year of death and sweet eleanor's birth.

we came inside and i snuggled with that little baby girl. nuzzling her silky cheek with my nose, thinking about how far we have come. thinking about how blessed i am, how i will always try to remember these simple, every day moments. i'm celebrating me home, for the days are long, but the years are short. I will always remember.

"Home for the holidays, 
I believe I've missed each and every face, 
Come on and play my music, 
Let's turn on the love light in the place 

It's time I found myself, 
Totally surrounded in your circles 
Whoa, my friends 

Please, celebrate me home, 
Give me a number, 
Please, celebrate me home 
Play me one more song, 
That I'll always remember, 
And I can recall, 
Whenever I find myself too all alone, 
I can sing me home. 

Uneasy highway, 
Traveling where the Westerly winds can fly, 
Somebody tried to tell me, 
But the men forgot to tell me why, 

I gotta count on being gone, 
Come on woman, come on daddy, 
Be what you want from me, 
I'm this strong, I'll be weak lebrate+me+home_20077720.html ] 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Give me a number, 
Please, celebrate me home 
Play me one more song, 
That I'll always remember, 
I can recall, 
Whenever I find myself too all alone, 
I can make believe I've never gone, 
I never know where I belong, 
Sing me home. 

Please, celebrate me home, 
Give me a number, 
Please, celebrate me home 
Play me one more song, 

Celebrate, celebrate 
Celebrate, celebrate 
Celebrate, celebrate 
Celebrate me home 

Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Well I'm finally here, 
But I'm bound to roam, 
Come on celebrate me home 
Well I'm finally here, 
But I'm bound to roam, 
Come on celebrate me home 
Well I'm finally here, 
But I'm bound to roam, 
Come on celebrate me home 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home, 
Please, celebrate me home"



celebrate me home, kenny loggins

farewell Roxy Roth

its 10:10 pm on december the 28th. i decided with all the activities christmas weekend, i was going to give the blogging a rest and enjoy the moment. i don't regret that decision but i am finding it difficult to remember what all happened the last few days. every year i am more and more aware of all of the effort and chaos leading up to jesus's birthday and then poof! in the blink of an eye its all over.

i left off with Roxy being in your father's very capable hands and he did another show stopper. when we came down stairs on december 23rd, Roxy was preparing for battle against abbie cadabby. it was pretty incredible, maybe daddy's best one yet.

i believe iron man was the referee for the big event, you know to keep this mythical battles fair and just, its the holidays!

daddy spared no detail in the set up, there was even a "stranger" in the manger!

oooooh, the claw! oooooh, Roxy, take us to your leader!

Roxy was ridin' dirty on smokey, the fire truck. it was to be a battle of epic proportions, but morning came and all the toys returned to being toys and Roxy was frozen in time. jack refused to let anyone move anything but some how vivian snuck in a took abbie. he literally freaked out, fearful his magic would not work on his last night as santa's watchful eye. you can imagine his happiness on christmas eve when he awoke to find this. . .

Roxy suspended from the bathroom light fixture, wrapped in a boa, wearing a white skirt, tied by tulle and holding a tube of lipstick. that naughty elf had written on the mirror with said tube of lipstick. it read:

"jack, vivian and eleanor, 

see you next year! 

merry christmas!

love, Roxy"

but there was a post script at the bottom:

"p.s. i'm a girl!"

who would have thunk it? with a name like Roxy how could he have been a girl? this both baffled and bewildered jack. he was completely dumbfounded that all this time our Roxy had been a girl!

what a sassy broad, that Roxy! fooling us all this time with her mechanical abilities! who says a girl can't change a car battery?

i can honestly say this is one of the more fun family adventures we have been on! it was really nice to team up with your dad and do something fun that kept us in the holiday spirit. but it was also nice to put that damn elf back in the box on christmas eve. 

i got the funniest text message from my aunt candie that read "i will not miss the hustle and bustle of christmas, but i will very much miss Roxy!" she then followed it up with merry christmas, but i had to remark how funny it was that the elf got mentioned before her spreading of christmas cheer! ha ha! this elf has taken on a life of his/her own and we have really had a ball with it. your dad walked in to the hi ho the other night and several of his father's friends enquired about our beloved elf. such a fun gift to share with our friends and family. Roxy was like a small scale santa claus every night, which made him a lot of work but also created a lot of magic around here. as much as i hate to admit it, i will miss her. (if nothing else it gave me motivation and a subject to blog about!) 

and so its time to bid her adieu until next year! in the mean time, we will return to the business-as-usual-elf-on-the-shelf also known as "the wooden spoon in the drawer!"

thank you everyone for coming on this journey with us! happy christmas!

the final countdown

okay, we are in the home stretch, thank the Lord. i am seasonally strung out right now, unsure if i am coming or going. i worked this evening and then came home to find my parents here! i wasn't expecting them until much later, so it was a happy surprise. i can't recall where i left off with that damn elf so i will just post some pictures of where he has been the last couple of mornings.

oh yes, he obviously used the bathroom and forgot to flush. i thought you would find it hilarious, but jack told me it was both "disgusting" and "inappropriate." hmm, i wonder where he hears that? i ask you if you thought it smelled like candy canes, which, again, is something that seemed like a good idea, until you stuck your faces in to the toilet bowl to smell. parenting failure number 129 this week.

i am pretty sure it comes in the elf on the shelf handbook that elves must do a sugar snow angel, so who am i to not comply? after all, we have been doing this for almost four weeks and mommy and daddy are fresh out of new ideas. or should i say new appropriate ideas. i have all kinds of naughty ideas but i would like to avoid another visit from division of family services. i kid! i kid! they have not come to our house. . . yet. . .

my brain is so mushy from the overload of holidays sweets and stresses, that while wrapping a present earlier i had to unwrap it just to remember what i had put in the damn box. i shoved things into boxes like i was packing! let's see, super hero underwear and monster trucks! yes, perfect! new leopard print coat and um, those pink house slippers over there. awesome! its going to be a non-theme christmas gift kinda holiday. just be thankful i am not one of those mothers that throws everything in a gift bag and calls it good. at least you have an actual package to unwrap.

two more nights, then the elf gets it. 

roxy day something, something

to say that the elf on the shelf momentum has stalled would be a gross understatement. your dad took my turn last night since i bailed him out the previous morning and i think it may have been an after thought placement on his way out the back door. he stuck him on the dancing, singing, annoying snowman from grandma on his way out of the house this morning, i believe.

oh Roxy, we had such high hopes for you but it seems the season has worn these old parents out. i am going to try really hard to have a strong finish. eye of the tiger, baby! but, i'm not making any promises. 

today i experienced my first migraine headache and i can officially say that i can do without ever having one again, as long as i live. i was getting my nails done, when all of the sudden i started not feeling so well. my vision became kinda fuzzy with floaters in the bottom left half of my "vision screen." then nausea. a massive, massive headache that felt something like a vise grip on the right quadrant of my head. i came home, passed my personal assistant in the kitchen, asking if she could stay until randy got home. being the super cool girl that she is, she shuffled the kids off to have a snack and stay on the opposite side of the house. i had to bury my face under the covers to avoid the light and prayed for sleep alleviating pain. 

when i woke up i wasn't sure if i was having a brain aneurysm or what the hell was going on. i checked the web md page, also known as "you've got cancer.com" and had text book symptoms it seemed. it said they could be triggered by lack of sleep (check!) hormonal changes (check!) stress (check!) barometric pressure changes (check!) and i am pretty sure it said something about holidays and family (double check!) i made rothy take you all to holiday park and seek out some excedrin migraine and i am happy to report that i now only feel like half of my head is going to explode. 

in addition to the head exploding situation, i have the daunting task of taking the three of you to get your pictures taken with miss florida tomorrow. its not so much the picture taking part that is daunting, although it can go either way once we get there; its more the trying to throw together three outfits that coordinate and make sure they are all still clean by the time we get there, which is never on time. there will be a meltdown and someone will want to wear a big pink bow instead of a red bow and jack is going to be pissed because his favorite jeans are not clean and eleanor will probably have spit up on her outfit before we even get out of the house. i will look like a homeless person because there will be no time during this frenzy to brush my own hair or find reasonable clothes. most days i relish in the fact i have two out of the three of you dressed and we arrive some place on time. i would high five myself those days if i could. sending my tomorrow self good vibes. 

so now, the side of my brain that isn't pounding and i are going to try to come up with something reasonably clever to do with Roxy. 

bottom stickers

this one is going to be a quickie because i have already queued up my holiday montage and am ready to wrap some presents! i had a sneaking feeling this morning as your dad was rushing off to work that he didn't move Roxy last night. i sent him a text message and i was right. as usual.

i threw jack in the shower and snuck downstairs with the baby to move him. i walked into the play room and the first thing i saw was the fire truck! seemed like a perfect opportunity.

your dad owes me tonight!

in other news, baby eleanor is eating cereal now! she seems to really enjoy it as she dives for the spoon and shoves her little fingers in her mouth in between bites. i am hoping this will help keep her full through the night. 

its a rare occasion around here that i am allowed time by myself. i mean, most of the time, i have one or more of you following me into the bathroom. you can imagine my delight today when i was drying my hair alone. i just kept brushing it, relishing in the moment, when i noticed it was quiet. too quiet. quiet means bad things are happening, a disturbance in the force. i turned the dryer off to get a better listen. still quiet. 

i walked into my bedroom to this:

you were busily unwrapping a couple of maxi pads. i paused for thought, then recalled the blonde flash running in and out of the bathroom earlier. you all seemed kinda content and it was taking awhile for your nimble little fingers to get them open, so i thought it was worth $3.89 for a little mommy time. 

but then. . . i felt like maybe i needed to retract that decision when you came into the bathroom to show me this:

"mommy, look! look what buggy and i did with your bottom stickers! we are making super hero costumes!" jack said with enthusiasm. 

ah, the price a mom pays for a little freedom! 

the sunday before christmas

i am feeling very sentimental today, for it was a year ago today i stepped out of the shower and threw up all over the floor.

i'm not normally a puker, unless i am pregnant, so you can imagine the horror shock i felt as i was sitting there. i was a little baffled by this "outburst" but the feeling was all too familiar. after all, we were told, due to my poly cystic ovarian syndrome, the chances of us conceiving on our own were slim to none. we had tried to get pregnant for two years, then conceded and started seeing a specialist. a couple of thousand dollars later, we had jack. two years and two thousand more dollars we had vivian. we had contemplated a third child but decided the timing wasn't right and we would revisit the idea in the fall. keeping in mind all of this, i dug through the back of the cabinet and found an expired pregnancy test and took it. i was so certain i was not pregnant, that i left it on the sink, proceeded to get ready and nearly forgot about it. your dad was off getting breakfast and i was getting everyone dressed. we heard him come home so i sent the two of you downstairs while i ran into the bathroom to check.

holy. shit.

it really looked like two lines. two lines for positive. but there was no way? all of that time, money, doctors opinions had told me other wise. i grabbed the test, walked slowly half way down the stairs and called for your dad to meet me. he was annoyed, didn't want to get up, thought the dog had gone to the bathroom on the steps and i was calling him to clean it up. i beckoned him again and he met me and immediately asked me what was wrong. i was white as a sheet with a horrified look on my face. i shoved the test towards him and asked "does that look like two lines? it looks like two lines doesn't it?"

your dad responds with "what's that?"

"a pregnancy test, randy!"

"i know its a pregnancy test, but who in the hell does it belong to? is this a joke?" he said.

i shook my head and said i really didn't know what was going on. how could this be? i sent him off to walgreens, despite his desire to finish his breakfast. i had a sense of urgency! i needed more tests, at least four and i wanted the digital pregnant-not pregnant type.

it had snowed that morning and daddy tracked snow into the drugstore. a little old lady was working and laughed as she said "you couldn't sneak up on anybody with those squeaky shoes! can i help you find something?"

daddy said, "um, i am actually looking for the family planning isle, speaking of sneaking up on somebody!"

four positive pregnancy tests later that sunday morning, we were nearly certain, if not totally bewildered that we were in fact pregnant. again. we had a 15 month old baby and a newly three year old. it did explain the way i had been feeling the whole month of december; i was so tired, lethargic and unmotivated. every day i would wake up, exhausted and say to myself "today will be the day i rally and get all my shopping and wrapping done!" then 8 pm would come, everyone would be in bed and i would follow suit. i thought it was just the massive amount of holiday parties we had or that the days were shorter, darker, but sweet, tiny little, homemade eleanor was growing inside me.

(oh eddie. . . if i woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, i wouldn't be more surprised than i am now!)

there is a faith hill song called "a baby changes everything" and although its about the birth of Jesus Christ, i find myself listening to that song and thinking about eleanor. i know, your'e reading this and thinking "oh no, she did not compare her baby to Jesus Christ" and yes, yes, i did. much like those day 2011 years ago, i did not see this coming. we were unprepared and a little bit frightened. now she is here and she has provided us immeasurable joy. there is nothing like a baby to cause one to rejoice in all the wonder and possibility. babies provide newness, hope. they rejuvenate your faith in mankind and in love. it is so true, a baby changes everything. hallelujah!

i didn't know it at the time i chose her name, but eleanor mean "shining light" and she is just that. her gummy baby grin melts my heart and her light drawls us all in.  i never thought our family was incomplete until she came along. we feel whole now. it's no surprise that i like the bible verse John 18:37 when i think of eleanor-- "for this reason i was born" thank God for baby eleanor, the best surprise i have ever had! our own christmas miracle!

in all my overflowing sentiment, i nearly forgot to post Roxy's happenings. your dad had to help you find him this morning, he was hidden a bit behind the christmas tree.

this is probably one of my most prized possessions, not because it is worth a lot of money but because of its long history that ironically connects my family to your fathers. my maternal grandfather, verne ray, was a sheet metal worker. in the early 70's he was working on the hillyard building downtown. all around the top of the building were copper lion heads. his foreman pointed out a loose one hanging from the north side. he said it was going to fall off and hit a car, that the hillyard family wanted it taken off. verne volunteered but said if he got it off he was keeping it. (this does not surprise me, he's stingy like that!) nonetheless, this lion head hung 8 stories off the ground! another man held my grandfather by the legs as he leaned waaaaaaayyyyy over and used his tin snips to snatch the lion to freedom. he stuck it in his coat and left work that day. 

my grandmother hated that the lionhead had patinaed into chalky turquoise so she spray painted it. UGH!  my entire life, the lion has hung above the fireplace in whatever house my grandparents lived in. i always remember it being around and vaguely knew the story. i was reminded it was the hillyard building while randy and i were dating and the running joke has been about my grandfather stealing from the hillyards. i thought for sure they would give it to us as a wedding present, but remember that whole stingy thing? yep, my grandmother was not ready to part with it and i got dishes. well, i was supposed to get dishes but she never gave them to me. are you sensing a theme yet?

moving forward to 2007 hillyard celebrates 100 years in business! quite an accomplishment! your father is generation five which makes all of you 6th generation hillyard family members! welcome to your legacy of gym floors and cleaning products! verne finally decided this was a monumental enough occasion to part with his precious, stolen lion head and return it to his rightful owner. i nearly died when he gave it to randy and was secretly a little sad he didn't give it to me! at least its in our house now and serves as little piece of history from our merged families. i had him stripped and returned to his former glory and i think its just beautiful! 

like the lion watches over us daily, Roxy found his way to this artifact this morning to watch over all of you today! 

catching up

its pretty awesome to be a hair stylist during the holidays. you get extra tips, starbucks gift cards and great bottles of wine, IF you have the kind of amazing clientele that i have. my friend and client, andrea, bought me a nice bottle of wine and i drank the entire thing by myself last night. i had intended to share but it was too good and too long of a week. your uncle tim dropped me off and picked me up from pam's house and by the time i got home i decided it was not a good decision for me to blog. who knows what deep dark secrets i would have revealed!

the days are starting to run together and i feel like i have some how lost a week of my life this month. christmas is next weekend! already! i thought i had another week to spare! oops! let's see, i think i might have left off with thursday night's placement, which was my turn.

i told you that thing one and thing two were kinda at each other and being naughty little children. i thought it would be best if Roxy made sure they knew he was watching.

jack was really embarassed and didn't really want to talk much about Roxy on friday morning before school. hmm. imagine that. busted for biting, by our elf! 

i ran some errands that morning and came home to wrap presents for teachers. by happen stance, i went into the play room to try to take day light pictures of Roxy and i found this:

just a little proof that conflict avoidance is genetic. 

apparently jack wanted to just pretend like all of that didn't happen by wiping his slate clean and replacing it with his own handy work. he managed to squeak this out before anyone noticed and he was off to school. try as he might, this does not erase the biting incidents from the week. (but it is pretty funny!)

last night daddy was feeling lazy again and moved Roxy back to the kitchen. surprisingly enough, he did not put him in a chandelier but the window sill. you all thought he got stuck there, but no one knew if it was when he was trying to get out or come back in. *maniacal laugh* 

in other news, the ups man about beat our door down thursday afternoon attempting to deliver packages. i really hadn't ordered anything this time, so i was surprised when there were two big dell computer boxes i had to sign for. (im a mac, not a pc, after all!) the return address read "penny park" and i knew christmas had arrived! she always sends us the most fabulous gifts and although, i am supposed to wait until christmas, i couldn't help myself when i found a shiny, satin garment bag on top. i opened it and found the most beautiful mink jacket! mamacita, santa claus is in belaire, texas!

(i need bangs!)

there are about a million things wrong with this photo, but we can start with the fact that i am in the bathroom! penny wanted to know if it fit so i took a picture to show her. the other really wrong thing about this is that i am wearing it with yoga pants, white tee shirt and no make up. this is my stay at home mommy uniform. i think i might wear it around the house with my uniform just for fun. i always think of something penny park told me when i got married, she said, "use all of your pretty things every day and all of the time. you never know when your'e time is up!" i think that really is so true! if something gets broken, it gets broken but that is better than owning waterford and never using it! life is too short, wear the mink, i say! even with sweat pants! jack liked my "furry" coat so much, he asked me if he could wear it to school on friday! when i said "wear the mink" i meant ME!

i gotta get Roxy unstuck from the window and off to his new location. until sunday fun day. . .

oops

today's blog posting will happen tomorrow thanks to a bottle of wine from andrea robinson and hospitality from pam lefler. i know you are both out there, thanks homies!

er, 17?

i most defiantly would rather be sleeping right now, but i knew if i went to bed i would have twice as much to write tomorrow. it was daddy's turn last night and before he moved Roxy, he said to me, "i am not making a lot of effort with this elf tonight." and he didn't. Roxy was here this morning:

on top of another christmas tree in our house. its like your dad's sweet spot or something. oh, that and chandeliers. the real bitch of all of this is that it just takes ONE good idea and your dad totally had the high point with fancy mechanic elfin' magic. 

there is a good chance i might not move Roxy tonight because you guys were little jerks today. 

i know i go on and on about how dreamy life is around here most of the time, but the truth of the matter is that some days really just suck. today was one of them, as have been most afternoons with the three of you and your napping, or should i say lack there of. no one wants to nap and when you do, its never at the same time, despite my best efforts to get you all down at the same time. its like some evil, grinchy conspiracy against mommy or something. i plan on doing all of my santa business during nap time but that is pretty effing difficult when everyone is melting down. its the kinda stuff that makes me scream "Jesus take the wheel" while i am slamin' margaritas at lunch. (just kidding about that margarita part, i want to, but then i would be the only one taking the nap!) 

additionally, we have been puppy sitting which solidified the idea that we cannot have another baby anything in this house. i am pretty sure my tubes tied themselves this week. 

alas, i do have a little trick that keeps me looking at our life through rose colored lenses and that is recapping the end of the day with the highlights. after all, you have to go through the valleys to appreciate the summits! today, when you weren't whining, biting each other or telling me no, we rocked around the chirstmas tree to our new favorite christmas tunes. they are obscure and childish, your father was in hopes most of them were offered free from itunes. i think he was a little disappointed to learn that i had paid $1.29 for dominick the italian christmas donkey! but its been really fun to hear you recite the songs and listening to what you think are the words! 

"mommy told me, rump, pa, pum, bum"

"sister susie sittin on a sisle"

two of my favorites from today were while listening to "i want a hippopotamus for christmas" jack looks at me and says, "actually mommy, hippopotamuses are quite dangerous." :)

and then when vivian looked at me and said "mamacita, donde esta santa claus?" 

i should have replied with, santa claus is up at 11pm, drinking some holiday cheer and wrapping all the damn presents, feeling a tad bit ebeneezer because you didn't take a nap today!